Cool Target: Action Movie Reviews

Yamada: Way of the Samurai

2012-01-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

YAMADA: WAY OF THE SAMURAI (aka THE SAMURAI OF AYOTHAYA)

Directed by: Nopporn Watin
Starring: Seigi Ozeki, Kanokkorn Jaicheun, Sorapong Chatree, Winai Kraibutr, Thanawut Ketsaro, Buakhao Paw Pramuk, Somjit Jongjohor, Bin Bunlureit

Brutal Thai action is front and centre for this entertaining low budget action film that entertainingly combines both an Ong Bak style action movie with a ninja flick. Based on a true event, the film sees Japanese adventurer and all round fighting badass, Yamada Nagamasa (Ozeki) learning the vicious form of fighting known as Muay Thai. Stationed out in Thailand, during the Ayothaya Era, Yamada is set up and left for dead by his fellow countrymen (those pesky evil ninjas!) but is rescued and taken in by a village of fierce Muay Thai fighting warriors. Sticking to a predictable action movie template, Yamada must first overcome hostility from the fighting tribe, only to then be accepted by them, train with them (and learn some wicked new fighting moves) and ultimately get revenge on those who left him for dead.

Despite featuring one of most predictable storylines to grace action cinema, Yamada: Way of the Samurai makes up for this thanks to some impressive production values (despite the meagre budget) an uncomplicated and unfussy approach to delivering a simple story and frequent bouts of fierce fight action. The story is very predictable but the film means well and the makers have at least put some care and heart into telling the story of Yamada. While it may not be as epic as many other Eastern historical action flicks the Ayothaya Era is authentically recreated and with combining both Japanese and Thai themes, the flick provides a refreshing take on the historical action picture. Plus, the director includes some very cool scenes of ninjas, which is a bonus for any film. The ninjas in this film are seen as deadly and mysterious warriors and despite some overacting from their (over-the-top) leader, are very cool indeed

Which brings us to the actions scenes. Bloody and brutal is the best way describe them. With a good portion of the fighting cast made up of actual Muay Thai and Olympic boxing stars, the fights scenes are, non-surprisingly, well put together and deliver maximum bone crunching impact. Thai fighters’ going up against ninjas is a new and novel approach meaning there is some nice variation to the fighting that also incorporates some ferocious swordplay. The fights are easy to follow and well choreographed and as already mentioned, very bloody and violent. Not least an epic brawl which sees our hero and his new found fighter friends taking on a horde of tattooed warriors in an epically sustained fight scene that spares no broken bones or opportunity to slash an opponent to death. If there is a downside to the fights scenes it is the over reliance on a silly speeded up/slow motion technique that interrupts the flow of the fights somewhat. It’s unnecessary (or perhaps necessary to hide the fact the fighters aren’t always making contact with their hits!?) and somewhat jarring but thankfully doesn’t overshadowed the action as a whole.

Yamada: Way of the Samurai isn’t quite up there with the best of Thai action cinema (Ong Bak, Chocolate) but it is a fine slice of Muay Thai action and a lot better than other recent low budget efforts from Thailand (Edge of the Empire, Blood Fighter).

Top Ten 2011 at Far East Films

2012-01-23T10:54:00.000-08:00

My Top Ten Eastern film of last year at Far East Films

Click Here to read the list.

Norwegian Ninja

2012-01-23T10:51:00.000-08:00

My new review of Norwegian Ninja at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

BKO: Bangkok Knockout

2012-01-17T11:37:00.000-08:00

BKO: BANGKOK KNOCKOUT (aka KNOCKOUT) (2010)

Directed by: Panna Rittikrai
Screenplay: Panna Rittikrai, Dojit Hongthong, Jonathon Siminoe
Starring: Gitabal Agohjit, Speedy Arnold, Supakson Chaimongkol, Sorapong Chatree, Virat Kemgrad and loads and loads of stuntmen

Boasting one of the simplest concepts in action cinema, Bangkok Knockout is crazy combat and stunt filled madness Thai style. Orchestrated by Ong Bak and Born to Fight action guru, Panna Rittikrai, Bangkok Knockout ain’t much of a film but more a collection of wickedly choreographed fight and stunt sequences that sees a stunt team (a collection of real life stunt and fight wizards) who think they’ve won a trip to Hollywood to appear in some big movie but who in fact awaken in a deserted industrial estate and must fight for their lives while rich douche bags watch them on CCTV cameras and bet who is gonna make it to the end. Pretty straightforward and a good enough reason to hang a series on impressively staged action scenes on.

The main problem with this is the acting in the non-action scenes is, well, just horrendous. Not to put to finer a point on it but the set up (a good half hour into the run time before all the action kicks off), the attempts at “drama” and some of the acting (I’m looking at you weird Eastern European accented guy) are just terrible. I have no problem with an action film having a basic plot to hang lots and lots of action on (in fact, I damn well encourage it) but at least let what little acting and plot there is be somewhat bearable. Anyways, there are plenty of others who will have endless fun tearing into the lack of plot and awful acting, so lets just focus on the action: and a great heap ton of it there is as well.

As is synonymous with Rittikrai and Thai action cinema everything is pretty much done for real. These stunt guys and girls are put through their paces in series of action scenes that escalate and escalate in their intensity and dangerousness. From some awesomely staged and sustained fights scenes (the wicked cage fight, the one-on-one fight with metal poles) to some very dangerous looking sequences involving cars, motorbikes and a fight that takes place under a truck (as daft as it sounds but it certainly looks dangerous and credit to the stunt guys for performing it) the action is pretty incredible stuff.

Bangkok Knockout doesn’t pretend to be anything it isn’t and if you can forgive the bad acting then the film delivers on the action front. It isn’t quite Ong Bak, Chocolate or Raging Phoenix but it is some entertaining Thai action madness.

Invasion USA

2012-01-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

INVASION USA (1985)

Directed by: Joseph Zito
Screenplay: James Bruner & Chuck Norris
Starring: Chuck Norris, Richard Lynch, Melissa Prophet, Billy Drago

Invasion USA is insane!!!

It’s absolutely bonkers! Even by Chuck Norris standards.

And, of course, it’s absolutely awesome.

Made at the height of Chuck Norris’ fame and during Cannon pictures heyday, Invasion USA sees the round housing one (complete with trademark beard, all denim outfit, leather gloves and twin Uzi’s) battling evil Russian terrorists hell-bent on blowing up the good ole USA. And that’s, well, pretty much it. Norris, playing the awesome action movie named Matt Hunter, goes after the bat-shit crazy Richard Lynch (the two have some kind of personal history, which Lynch experiences in some hilarious flashbacks), who decides to unleash hell on America by blowing everything up with rocket launchers that never need reloading! Seriously, bazookas that never need reloading: only in a Chuck Norris movie. Made during the Reagan reign, Invasion USA is basically Red Dawn on steroids with Chuck literally bleeding red, white and blue while Lynch and his evil Russian cohorts are nothing but cannon fodder. Subtle this ain’t. It’s also insanely violent with a body count to rival Commando, Total Recall and all 4 Rambo’s put together.

Despite the insane concept, the fact Norris utters all of five lines in the whole film (“If you come back in here, I am gonna hit you with so many rights you are going to beg for a left”), the additional fact that he somehow always happens to be in the same place the terrorists are attacking without any explanation so he can thwart them and that the flick is pretty devoid of all morals: Invasion USA rocks as an action film. This was the 80s when everything was big and loud and absolutely everything had to be blown up: and everything is absolutely blown up (though only after it has been constantly riddled with bullets) in Invasion USA. Director Joseph Zito (Missing in Action, Red Scorpion) aims high and pretty much achieves the bad buys objective by blowing up America. The action is fiercely staged and stunt heavy with an incredible finale which sees a horde of armoured vehicles and a hundreds of extras descending on a city centre to cause mayhem, expend thousands of rounds of ammo and, once again, blow everything up. In amongst all the craziness and mass destruction, Zito does manage one eerie scene where the camera pans around a peaceful American neighbourhood (showing how quaintly Americana it is) only for Lynch to roll in blow it all with bazookas, roll out and then the camera pans back around to show all the devastation.

This flick is all kinds of cheesy, wrong and insanely violent but as an action movie, it rocks. Norris may not say much or do much round housing but he does shoot a lot of people, wrestle alligators (!!) and cause a lot of stunt filled destruction. 80s cheese at its most ridiculous but stuffed to the gills with impressive stunt heavy action scenes that make it a 90 minute hoot.

Tekken

2012-01-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

TEKKEN (2010)

Directed by: Dwight H. Little
Screenplay: Alan B. McElroy
Starring: John Foo, Gary Daniels, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, Kelly Overton, Ian Anthony Dale, & Luke Goss

Video games, and especially those of the fighting tournament variety, have often had a bumpy ride to live action cinema. For every Mortal Kombat there is a Mortal Kombat Annihilation, a Streetfighter, a House of the Dead, a Wing Commander and so on and on. Really other than the original Mortal Kombat and the underrated Silent Hill (though I’ll admit, I do quite like Resident Evil: Extinction, Doom and, yes, Super Mario Brothers: hey, I liked it!) good video game movies are few and far between. Tekken doesn’t really break the bad run of video game film adaptations but it isn’t that bad either. Yeah it’s a missed opportunity as it feels like only half the film it could have been (ending just as it seems to be getting going) but the production values are slick, the fight action (relatively) decent and there is a whole host of genre favourites starring to make the 80 minute run time bearable.

It’s the future, corporations are evil and one of the biggest, Tekken, holds a fight tournament where top fighters fight for honour, cash and in some cases revenge. So it comes as no surprise that young underdog and all round top fighter Jin (Foo) enters the tournament to get revenge on the evil Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa (he’s the evil dude that runs the tournament) who killed his mother. Let the fights, cheesy action, neon-blazed visuals and, ugh, rapid-fire editing bludgeon your senses until you admit what you just saw was in fact awesome. Yep, blitzkrieg editing is in full swing, as the film seems to be determined to show us how jet propelled it is: presumably so lovers of the game and teenage boys think what they are watching is cool. Mercifully it eases up (a little) in the fight scenes so we can see the impressive fighters kick ass. There are some great screen fighters featured including John Foo, Lateef Crowder, Cung Le and the always-dependable Gary Daniels. The fights aren’t bad and feature some impressive moves and choreography (from District 13 main man, Cyril Raffaelli) but due to the aforementioned editing and the somewhat bizarre need for the fights to last no longer than 60 seconds, the action is all over too quickly.

Having never played the actual video, I can’t say how faithful to the game series the film is (and judging by some venomous internet comments and reviews, it isn’t) but if you take it as just a fun, albeit very silly, fight movie, Tekken isn’t too bad. Despite not getting a lot of screen time, Daniels is great as the main bad guy, there’s quality support from the likes of Tagawa, Luke Goss and a hot chick who show’s her “ass cleavage” throughout the whole film. See, there is stuff to enjoy in Tekken.

The film feels so rushed it is possible a lot was jettisoned in the editing room but what is left ain’t too bad if you take it for what it is. Director Dwight H. Little (he of awesome action movies Marked for Death, Rapid Fire, the underrated Murder at 1600 and the quality Halloween 4) directs with efficiency and adds an edge to the action scenes that was missing in the likes of the Streetfighter and the equally ridiculed Double Dragon video game adaptations.

Ok.

Sinners and Saints

2012-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

I reviewed this excellent flick earlier in the year and just wanted to re-post as the film is getting a Region 1 DVD and Blu-Ray release, courtesy of Anchor Bay (who kindly used a portion of my review in their press release), on Januray 10th 2012.

You can read my original review here and go out and grab a copy of Sinners and Saints when it's released as it is one of the best action films of recent years.

Anchor Bay Entertainment: Sinners and Saints

I Saw The Devil

2012-01-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

My new review of I Saw The Devil at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Sand Sharks

2011-12-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

SAND SHARKS (2011)

Directed by: Mark Atkins
Story: Joe Benkis
Screenplay: Cameron Larson
Starring: Gina Holden, Corin Nemec, Brooke Hogan

The title says it all really and with this B-movie you know precisely what you are getting. Sharks: yep. Sand: yep. Sharks eating people: yep. Boobs: well sort of, most of them clad in attractive bikini tops, no actual bare ones unfortunately. So, in the world of B (and even A) movies, sharks have terrorized the deep blue sea, fought against a giant octopus and even turned into something called a dinoshark! So, hell, why not sharks that “swim” in the sand and cause a right nuisance of themselves. Which they do in this umpteenth riff on Jaws as we see a small island invaded by said sand sharks ruining some kind of beach party the town resident douchebag has set up to try and bring prosperity back to the island.

So, yeah, it’s all pretty familiar and predictable with a requisite amount of dodgy CGI sharks jumping out of the sand at regular intervals. Along for the ride is a salty sea dog complete with comedy accent, hat and shotgun, a bunch of hot youngsters who just want to dance, a cop who takes the whole thing deadly serious, Hulk Hogan’s daughter and some actor called Edgar Allen Poe IV (cool!).

It’s all breezy fun and a lot better made (despite the still obvious low budget) and less headache inducing than a lot of similar films made by The Asylum (this flick was actually produced/distriubuted by American World Pictures who do know how to make a decent B-movie) and there a few giggles at the makers working in as many silly puns as they can: “you sand of a bitch” (groan). On the downside, for this kind of film there is just too much talking. Fair play on giving us some characters and a bit of comedy to go along with all shark munching but Sand Sharks, despite the fun opening scene, does take a while to get moving. Corin Nemec as the aforementioned douchbag is good value but is given too much screen time thus becoming tiring and while Brooke Hogan is no great actress s andhe is certainly easy on the eye and often in a bikini top or daisy duke shorts (sweet).

Once the action does kick in there are lots of low budget CGI sharks jumping out of the sand, people getting chomped, people getting hilariously dragged under the sand and the sight of giant fins slicing through the sand (as they would the water) is actually pretty cool. Low budget, stuffed with rickety CGI, animals on the rampage movies seem to be in vogue at the moment and while Sand Sharks doesn’t quite live up to it hilariously awesome title and premise is a decent 90 minutes of pretty people getting eaten by monsters B-movie trash.

Sniper: Reloaded

2011-12-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

SNIPER: RELOADED (2011)

Directed by: Claudio Fah
Written by: John Fasano & Ross Helford
Starring: Chad Michael Collins, Annabel Wright & Billy Zane

The original Sniper (starring Tom Berenger and Billy Zane) is an underrated gem from the 90s action heyday. Taught, well acted and shot in some awesome looking jungles it was a tense and entertaining little action movie. Berenger returned for two sequels (Part 2 was decent with some corking action; Part 3 was a bit of a damp squib) and while he jumps ship for the fourth go around, good old Billy Zane is back for what is a truly decent sequel. Berenger’s character might not be around this time but his son is (played by Chad Michael Collins) who, non surprisingly, is a highly skilled and efficient soldier. Stationed in South Africa, Sgt Brandon Beckett sees his squad wiped out by a ruthless sniper when they attempt to rescue a European farmer stuck in hostile rebel territory. Swearing revenge, he enlists the aid of ace sniper Richard Miller (Zane) who was trained by Brandon’s father and the scene is set for a high powered rifle showdown

Now this may be the fourth entry in a somewhat low budget action franchise but this is a straight-to-DVD sequel done right. The makers frame a decent story and decent characters we actually care for around all the action. Coupled with the picturesque African setting and vistas, director Claudio Fah (Hollow Man 2) and his team certainly get the most out of their modest budget. Good to see Billy Zane back in the franchise, who, despite what appears to be him wearing his own personal wardrobe in certain scenes, acts as the tough and caring mentor to Collins' more by-the-book Beckett. Chad Michael Collins, looking a little like he didn’t make the cut for a new boy band, is impressive as the tough Beckett and makes for an effective action hero. He gives it his all and really infuses his character with personality meaning we give a damn once the bullets starting flying.

Fah wisely builds to the action, mounting tension and orchestrating some excellent scenes of fire powered fuelled action. The initial attack on Becket’s squad is excellently staged (complete with groovy cameras mounted on the barrels of guns shots) and the high powered rifle showdown doesn’t disappoint either with one unlucky sod literally losing his head! This all makes Sniper: Reloaded a thoroughly enjoyable fourquel and a highly satisfying action flick that is well made and keeps a lesser known franchise chugging along with new life breathed into it.

Recommended.

Full Impact

2011-12-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

FULL IMPACT (1993)

Directed by: David Huey
Written by: David Huey & Marc Messenger
Starring: Gary Daniels, Kent Ducanon, Linda Bennett

My capacity for bad action movies is monumental. I enjoy most of them even if they suck beyond all belief, defy all logic and feature the worst acting imaginable. But damn if Full Impact isn’t my threshold for cheapjack action movies. I love Gary Daniels, enjoy most of his action movies and think he is an excellent on screen fighter but even he can’t save this load of trash. Sure it’s one of his earlier ones and everyone has to start somewhere but man this movie is so mind numbingly bad: hyperbole for sure but I think my brain actually shut down a couple of times as it tried to comprehend why I was still watching the film despite the fact it was getting progressively worse and more bat shit crazy as the minutes ticked by.

Shot in deserted parking lots and abandoned warehouses somewhere in LA, Full Impact is as cheap as they come (well, at least it’s not shot on DV) that sees Daniels as a former cop turned vigilante who is after some serial killer who likes to kill sexy women with his bare hands after he’s gotten jiggy with them. So far, so b-movie. Yet, from Daniels’ lions mane hair, to the awful post dubbed dialogue and soundtrack, to the most (unintentionally) hilarious car chase, Full Impact is just plain painful. It seems to be two movies in one: a low rent cop flick with kung fu and a sleazy soft-core thriller. The protracted scenes of sex and nudity seem to be randomly inserted and seem to be from an entirely different movie, as if the producers were trying to spice the flick up so they could sell it to more markets. It ain’t sexy either with all said scenes seemingly shot in the same abandoned warehouses mentioned above and all participants looking extremely wooden and uncomfortable.

At least the fight scenes are copious and fairly decent but by the millionth time Daniels decides to thrown down with some goons (or hilariously decide to fight his best mate in one of those deserted parking lots) boredom and fatigue will have set in. And both will certainly set in after the epic and never ending fight between Daniels and the main villain that seems to go on FOREVER! Seriously, the brawl takes in several empty warehouses, several city blocks, the aforementioned silly car chase and somehow (and I really can’t remember how) the two end up on top of a building with one of them on fire! Action b-movie barminess at it’s most insane.

If you’re gonna watch Full Impact, at least invent some kind of drinking game to take part in while watching it: make it easy, like, drink every time someone utters a ridiculous line of re-dubbed dialogue and you’ll be drunk in about 8 to 10 minutes! I wish I’d played this game when watching it.

Helldriver

2011-12-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

My new review of Helldriver at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Counterforce

2011-11-20T05:08:00.000-08:00

COUNTERFORCE (1988)

Directed by: J Anthony Roma
Screenplay: Douglas Borton & Carlos Vasallo
Starring: Jorge Rivero, George Kennedy, Isaac Hayes, Andrew Stevens, Kevin Bernhardt, Louis Jordan, Robert Forster

If you can imagine an even lower budget version of The Delta Force then Counterforce is it. Yep, it’s men-on-a-mission time in this low rent, unintentionally hilarious but a whole heap of cheapjack action fun in an action film that somehow manages to make the heroes look more inept than the actual villains. Jorge Rivero (Fist Fighter) leads the counterforce team while Andrew Stevens (The Terror Within) is the martial arts expert (ok!), Isaac Hayes (Escape from New York) is the electronics expert (with a sideline in natty 80s garb: ahem!), Kevin Bernhardt (Hellraiser 3) is the young-trying-to-prove-himself new recruit (read: douchebag) and good old George (who was actually in The Delta Force) Kennedy is the token dude who barks orders at them and tells them to get the job done (and looks completely lost and embarrassed to be in every scene he features). The Counterforce is enlisted to help protect the exiled opposition leader (Louis Jordon) of a bloodthirsty dictator (Robert Forster: complete with comedy accent and hair!) which, to be honest, they make a balls up of, as several people are killed, Jordan is harmed and his wife and son are kidnapped. But, somehow, the team manage to get it together, for the gun blazing finale and rescue everybody and set the world right while looking cool doing it.

You know you’re in for a low budget good time when the team’s training gear has the Counterforce logo used on the actual movie poster and marketing materials emblazoned all over it. Awesome! This movie is so 80s that the 1980s is probably embarrassed by it as our heroes wisecrack their way through everything whether it’s a high-risk situation, having an extremely camp workout together at a gym before suiting up for a mission (so cringe worthy it’s hilarious) or someone has just died. In fact, I don’t think our heroes have one normal conversation during the whole film and why not when a smart-ass quip will do. Coupled with their penchant for wearing “stylish” 80s clothes during missions and Counterforce is low budget action nonsense cranked up to 11.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy this. The above is all part of the fun of these low rent 80s cookie cutter action flicks and there is a ton of low budget action to fill the fast moving 90-minute run time. There are gun battles galore, including a cool shoot-out in a hospital, a pretty cool car chase featuring ambulances and a somewhat ambitious one take shot of vehicles ramming into one another, and the obligatory rescue scene that turns out to be the team just training before the next mission (pretty much every 80s action movie featuring a team of soldiers had one of these scenes!).

Ridiculous, hilarious, low budget and action packed: so therefore, awesome.

13 Assassins

2011-11-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

My new review of 13 Assassins at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Shocking Dark

2011-11-13T05:47:00.001-08:00

SHOCKING DARK (aka TERMINATOR 2 (no really!)) (1989)

Directed by: Bruno Mattei
Screenplay: Claudio Fragasso
Starring: Christopher Aherns, Haven Tyler, Geretta Gerretta, Fausto Monbardi

Good old Bruno Mattei. The prolific Italian schlockmeister of such genre “greats” as Strike Commando 1 & 2, Cop Game, Double Target and Robowar, tried to pass this little gem of Italian sci-fi action trash off as a sequel to The Terminator (a good year or two before James Cameron’s blockbuster sequel actually hit). Or at least the producers did. Yet, Shocking Dark has much more in common with another Cameron classic: Aliens. In fact, it has so much in common it has (pretty much) the same entire plot (save for the mad as a bag of frogs ending) with many of the same scenes and even dialogue lifted straight from Aliens. Non-surprisingly this flick has also been known as Aliens 2 in some territories. It’s copyright infringement a go-go in this ultra cheap rip-off which is an absolute hoot thanks to all the plagiarism going on, the atrocious acting and some funky cheap-jack monsters causing mayhem for a bunch of intrepid shotgun-wielding Colonial Marines, I mean future soldiers.

In the not too distant future Venice is sinking into its canals and The Tubular Corporation (the what corporation!?) send a squad of soldiers off into the sinking city (just one giant empty factory/power station with never ending corridors) to make sure the art museums aren’t being looted for their treasures (what!!!!????). Unbeknownst to our (highly untrained) soldiers some genetic scientists have unleashed a bunch of bloodthirsty mutants that take great pleasure in ripping our platoon of heroes limb from limb (what!!!, what????). Add to this a cybernetic soldier by the name of Samuel Fuller (WHAT!!!!!) an ending so bizarre it makes the rest of the film look coherent and you have one of the best 80s Italian rip-off cheese fests ever.

Basically this is just an hour and a half of non-acting entities running around darkened corridors blowing mutants away with pump action shotguns and screaming incessantly. Seriously, there is so much screaming in this film with the two female characters left alive at the end basically communicating by just screaming constantly at one another. The hilarious “non-acting” by everyone adds a certain comedy element (though to be fair they all look like they haven’t got a clue what is going on) and the film is partly entertaining by trying to spot how many scenes they’ve directly lifted from Aliens. Ripley and Newt being locked in a room with an alien/mutant while they’re sleeping (complete with waving at the cctv for help): check. Marines watching and listening to a bunch of aliens/mutants closing in on them on some kind of tracking device: check. Some unlucky bastard caught and trapped in the alien/mutant lair who chants “kill me, kill me” before an alien/mutant bursts through his chest: check. I could go on as there are many more scenes duplicated wholesale but it’s best if you can track down a copy (they are quite rare) and indulge in the sci-fi plagiarism craziness that is Shocking Dark.

Aliens, Terminators, shotguns, gore, absurdness and Bruno Mattei all together in one low budget shlockfest of awesome.

Miami Golem

2011-11-13T05:43:00.000-08:00

MIAMI GOLEM (1985)

Directed by: Alberto de Martino
Screenplay: Vincenzo Mannino & Gianfranco Clerici
Starring: David Warbeck, Laura Trotter & John Ireland

If you love crazy Italian films from the 1980s, then get a load of Alberto de Martino’s Miami Golem. Some crazy, and badly dubbed, scientists are cloning some alien DNA found in a crashed meteorite. Now this definitely can’t be a good thing and sure enough it isn’t, with said scientists all being killed and evil John Ireland stealing the cloned DNA so he can grow it into a supreme being that he can control and take over the world with. Enter nosy, know-it-all, complete douchebag, reporter David Warbeck who decides to investigate, pretty much taking over the experiments at one point, and teams up with alien babe Laura Trotter to defeat the very tired looking (and lost looking) John Ireland and the evil, telepathic alien foetus he has grown.

And wait till you see the completely ridiculous, but kinda creepy, foetus with its big googly eyes and its penchant for chucking our hapless heroes around in bouts of telepathic nonsense. Mental doesn’t even begin to describe this action and sci-fi mish-mash that is equal parts awesome and over-the-top entertaining and just plain boring. I know, how can an Italian sci-fi film from the 1980s shot and set in Miami, featuring an alien foetus that wants to take over the world be boring? Well, it’s the pace really as Alberto de Martino (Holocaust 2000) completely forgets to have fun, taking the whole thing deadly serious and filling his silly flick with frequent periods of not much happening. Warbeck (The Last Hunter, The Beyond) is usually good value but his character is such a douche he is more annoying than heroic: though he does get a hilarious scene where he talks to an alien version of himself who explains the entire plot.

However, this being a crazy Italian produced flick from the 1980s there is plenty of insaneness and low rent action to go around to make Miami Golem a worthwhile trash cinema ride. Of course, there is that giant animatronic foetus (which is just as lame and awesome as it sounds), completely random and off the wall dialogue (“If I didn’t hurt all over, I’d be laughing!”), the fact that the opening theme tune is a complete rip off of the Beverly Hills Cop theme, Warbeck not batting an eyelid when many of the scientists he has just worked with and seems kinda friendly with have just been gunned down (as if it is the most normal thing in the world), the bizarre scene where he records ghosts on camera who come to try to warn him of the impending doom (with one ghost just being a giant hand!!!!) and, as mentioned, that everyone takes everything so seriously.

There is bit of action here and there including Warbeck being chased by a gun firing helicopter which he manages to elude and destroy with only a handgun and only after he has boarded a school bus driven by what appears to be two drug dealers, the bus appearing out of nowhere in the middles of nowhere and the whole scene even more random and weirder than any scenes involving the giant alien foetus (!!!!!!). There is a pretty cool boat chase across the Everglades and while it’s certainly dull in parts there is no denying Miami Golem is entertaining trash cinema recommended to any connoisseur of the genre.

Bonkers.

Blood Brothers

2011-10-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

My new review of Blood Brothers at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Blood Fighter (aka Fighting Beat)

2011-10-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

My new review of Blood Fighter at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Across the Line: The Exodus of Charlie Wright

2011-10-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

ACROSS THE LINE: THE EXEDUS OF CHARLIE WRIGHT (2010)

Written & Directed by: R. Ellis Frazier
Starring: Aidan Quinn, Luke Goss, Mario Van Peebles, Bokeem Woodbine, Gina Gershon, Gary Daniels, Andy Garcia, Corbin Bernsen, Raymond J Barry,

Charlie Wright (Quinn) is a sneaky bastard. Attempting to scarper with upwards of 10 billion dollars (some of it belonging to Raymond J Barry’s Russian mob boss) he’s caught and threatened with a long stretch in prison. But being as sneaky as he is, he disappears into self imposed exile down Tijuana way, managing to cipher away 2 billion of the 10 with him and attempts to look for a woman he abandoned twenty years earlier. However, hot on his trail are a hot shot but jaded FBI agent (Van Peebles) a hitman (Goss) and his crew sent by the Russian and a Mexican crime boss (Garica) who has his own reasons for getting hold of the money Wright stole.

Nicely shot and well acted little crime drama, Across the Line may have ambitions above its low budget and short running time but thanks to a good cast, unfussy direction and a nice authentic feel from the real Mexican locations, the film is a decent little thriller. There is perhaps a little too much going on for a film that runs only 90 minutes with a surfeit of characters all battling for screen time to tell their own story. Nothing wrong with this but some subplots and character motivations needed fleshing out which a longer running would have accommodated. We already have an interesting character with an interesting story to tell in Wright and some of the focus is often taken away from Wright to fill in the back-stories of certain other characters.

However, and as mentioned, this is a decent little thriller with a good cast. Quinn is excellent as the lost and out-of-his-depth Wright and there is solid support from Mario Van Peebles, Andy Garcia and Gina Gershon as Garcia’s (incredibly hot) wife. Luke Goss stands out as the quietly confident hired gun sent after Wright and his scenes with Gary Daniels (getting a cool little role that allows him to act) have nice antagonistic tension to them. The film also uses its authentic locale well, shooting on what appears to be the streets of Mexico, which adds some sun soaked grit.

Much more of a crime drama than an action film there is only one standout action scene when one group sent after Charlie try to snatch him from another group already holding him. A finely staged gun battle erupts in what appears to be a deserted bull-fighting arena, which ups the tension and adds a little life to proceedings when the narrative threatens to become too plodding. Things may get wrapped up a little too easily and quickly but on the whole this is a decent crime flick featuring a whole host of genre favourites.

War Wolves

2011-10-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

WAR WOLVES (2009)

Written & Directed by: Michael Worth
Starring: John Saxon, Tim Thomerson, Adrienne Barbeau, Michael Worth, Natasha Alam, Siri Baruc, Daniel Southworth

A squad of Special Ops soldiers (Worth, Southworth and a trio of beauties) return from battle in Afghanistan forever changed. Not only mentally scarred they have been physically altered. During a firefight they were attacked by a ferocious pack of werewolves and infected with the wolf virus. Six months later, back in the US and a little more than shell shocked, Jake (Worth) is trying to come to terms with what happened and the changes taking place within him. Unbeknownst to him, he is being tracked by two veteran soldiers (Saxon and Thomerson) who know what happened to him and what virus he carries. At the same time the rest of his squad are turning into beast fast and getting a taste for killing and also hunting down Jake for what will be the ultimate battle between man and beast.

War Wolves sure is an oddity from filmmaker and kung fu whiz Michael Worth. Definitely a B-movie but striving for more in the character department, War Wolves takes its barmy premise and spins a yarn, that while flawed and occasionally plodding, is an interesting piece that admirably tries to combine drama, action and werewolves to create something a little different. Worth (who has been in some cool action and fight films: Street Crimes, US Seals 2) takes this distinctive premise and a minuscule budget and has made a decent genre film that is a little unique, offbeat and, occasionally, action packed. There is perhaps too much going on (former soldiers feeling out of place in the everyday world, alcoholism and at one point a minor subplot about a pregnant woman and her abusive boyfriend) for what is essentially a flick about werewolf soldiers but Worth at least tries, and mostly succeeds in, infusing this little flick with some character. As the grizzled, and possibly too long in the tooth, geezers tracking down Worth and his crew, Saxon and Thomerson are on fine form both dramatically and comedically. It’s nice to see the older and wiser gents getting a good share of the screen time rather than yet another pair of generic, hip, know-it-all youngsters. Thomerson cracks wise as well and is a hoot.

The budget is certainly low (and once you see the make up effects of the transformed werewolves, you’ll see how low) and the tone wanders all over the joint (from horror, to drama, to comedy, back to horror, to martial arts) you may at some point wander what kind of film you are watching. However, War Wolves manages to hang together and provide just enough character, horror and action to make it an entertaining ride. Not as action packed as you might expect a B-movie about werewolf soldiers to be Worth and (the ever underrated and underused) Daniel Southworth get to cut loose in a couple of wickedly choreographed kung fu werewolf fights (yep, you read that right!).

If there had just been a few more of those wicked fights scenes and the pace and tone tightened up War Wolves could have been a much more fun and faster B-movie but with its unique approach to character, this is still a fun genre flick from the ever talented and watchable Michael Worth. Plus any film that also finds time for genre favourites Adrienne Barbeau and Martin Kove and also manages to name drop Lance Henriksen in one particularly cool moment of movie referencing, is all right by this B-movie action fan.

Ultimax Force

2011-10-21T13:37:00.001-07:00

ULTIMAX FORCE (1986)

Directed by: Wilfred Milan
Screenplay: Joe Mari Avellana
Starring: Arnold Nicholas, Jeremy Ladd, Patrick Scott, Vincent Griffin

Ninjas with Uzi’s. That’s basically what Ultimax Force is: ninjas with Uzi’s. So not only do we get ninjas doing cool ninja stuff we also get Uzi’s: which means lots of gunplay and squibtastic action as well. Ok, so Ultimax Force isn’t really a great film and is a cheapie Philippine action flick made to cash in on the 80s fascination with all things ninja but hell if it ain’t a good old cheesy time with some pretty solid action. It’s standard plot 101 as a bunch of non-acting dudes who are completely devoid of any personality or emotion are recruited to go and rescue some other poor dude who is held captive in the deepest jungles of Vietnam. Said four dudes are ninja badasses and are recruited by their ninja school (yes: ninja school which is blatantly signposted in one hilarious scene meaning these ninjas aren’t so secret) to rescue said captive and the four blocks of wood, albeit highly trained ninja combatants, head off into the jungle, complete with Uzi’s, to fuck shit up.

Completely unintentionally hilarious in how serious it takes itself and that not one of the leading mean express any other facial expression other than staring blankly and delivering their lines in an (again) unintentionally hilarious monotone drone, Ultimax Force still gets the fun thumbs up due to some cool action (which rarely lets up) and that it’s a decent little ninja flick. And it’s got Uzi’s in it. The action is pretty tight and fairly well choreographed and the violence is pretty harsh. Many people are gunned down quite graphically and the body count is typically high for a 1980s action flick. Some may be disappointed that the martial arts is a little thin on the ground to make way for all the gunplay but we are treated to one impressive sequence early on where the heroes have to prove themselves to the ninja school (awesome!) that they are worthy of the mission with some neatly choreographed ninja fighting and weapon work. It’s a pretty cool sequence if completely redundant as it serves little purpose other than to show how awesome our heroes are.

Ultimax Force has it all really: great B-move title, lots of ridiculous moments that defy logic, unintentionally hilarious acting and a heap of cool action. So all-in-all a B-movie action fan’s and lovers of trash cinema dream come true. Oh, and it’s got Uzi’s in it. Sweet.

The Lost Bladesman

2011-10-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

My new review of The Lost Bladesman at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

The Batman & Superman Movie: World's Finest

2011-10-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

THE BATMAN SUPERMAN MOVIE: WORLD’S FINEST (1996)

Directed by: Toshihiko Masuda
Written by: Stan Berkowitz, Alan Burnett, Paul Dini, Rich Fogal, Steve Gerber
Starring: Kevin Conroy, Tim Daly, Dana Delany, Clancy Brown & Mark Hamill

This team up between two awesome 90s cartoons, World’s Finest is an excellent slice of cartoon action: well written, great characters, slick animation and some stonking action. The Batman cartoon series in the 1990s, produced by Warner Brothers animation, was one of the best things on TV back in the day. I watched it constantly and while I was never a big as fan of Superman, the Superman show was almost as good. World’s Finest is basically three episodes of the Superman show strung together to create a sort of mini-movie (the flick is about an hour long) which sees Batman heading to Metropolis hot on the heels of the Joker who has left Gotham to team up with equally uber bad guy, Lex Luthor.

The Joker wants to use Luthor’s seemingly unlimited resources (including some wicked giant combat robots) to take over Metropolis and has a plan that can rid the city of Superman (having nicked a load of Kryptonite). They form a shaky alliance, as do the two heroes. Bats and Supes aren’t too willing to trust one another, not least when they discover each other’s secret identities and when a sort of love triangle forms when Bruce Wayne and Lois Lane take a shine to one another. But differences are soon put aside as the two realize they are going to have to work together in order to defeat their respective archenemies. Let superhero, robot-smashing action commence.

Short and sweet it may be but World’s Finest is a great hour or so of superhero action and a reminder of how fun these two-superhero cartoons were. With a great comic book feel and a swift pace and excellent voice work, World’s Finest shows an animation team at the top of their creative game. Kevin Conroy proves he is one of the best (if not the best) Bats as the voice of Batman/Bruce Wayne and likewise old Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, is awesome as the Joker. Commissioner Gordon and Alfred perhaps get short changed a bit but with so many characters to fit it’s not surprising but there is great support from The Joker’s right hand woman, Harley Quinn.

There is no shortage of spectacle as the heroes do battle with various gangsters and super villains meaning there is mucho punch ups, gunfights and a novel sequence where Superman has to rescue Lane and The President from terrorists who have taken control of Air Force One. This all leads to the action heavy finale, which sees Luthor’s robots unleashed meaning there is some grand scale combat and destruction.

If you are a fan of the characters, comic books, animation and action then World’s Finest makes for a great hour of entertainment.

Rage to Kill

2011-10-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

RAGE TO KILL (1988)

Written & Directed by: David Winters
Starring: James Ryan, Oliver Reed & Cameron Mitchell

Good lord Rage to Kill is bad. And I mean bad. Sure it’s also freaking hilarious and provides a good amount of bad cinema entertainment: but only just. This Action International Pictures (AIP) “epic” is so barmy, inept and features a complete douche bag as the main character that even this connoisseur of bad action cinema had trouble tolerating the insaneness and never ending explosions (two things I usually love) that is Rage to Kill. Not even a drunk (and I mean, DRUNK) Oliver Reed could save this (ok, so he was kinda humorous and inappropriate: check out the extremely random and uncomfortable hot tub scene to see evidence of this). But you know you are in trouble in a cheap B-Movie when constant shit blowing up and a drunk Oliver Reed can’t save your flick.

The “film” sees uber-ripped and annoyingly awesome Blaine Striker (Ryan) heading off to kick some ass to rescue his brother (who actually utters the immortal words, “Gee, I wish Blaine was here”) who along with some other students and what seems like a good portion of South Africa are being held under an iron grip by a mental general (Reed) and his ever loyal army. I’m not sure how everyone has come under Reed’s rule, as he seems completely inept at doing anything other than drinking, lying on sofas and partaking in some “hilarious” acting. So Blaine gets smuggled into the country, gets caught almost immediately (what a dickwad!), gets tortured, manages to bed an annoying journalist and then somehow (in what is one of the many completely absurd moments to be found in Rage to Kill) manages to train the journalist and the students to become machine gun toting soldiers who then somehow manage to overthrow Reed and his army. But not before Blaine (awesome hero name, especially when coupled with Striker) has time to show off his drag racing skills in a silly scene (supposedly) showing him racing a jet powered car just so we know how awesome he is (maybe he should have spent more time training and planning a proper rescue mission so he wouldn’t be captured straight away instead of poncing about like he’s in Days of Thunder).

Despite mucho explosive destruction of various properties and vehicles and gunfire aplenty the action is pretty dire with everybody just firing randomly and hoping to hit someone, guns never needing reloading and quite possibly cinema’s worst boat chase. Ugh. Now AIP never made great films but they made some entertaining ones (sort of) but Rage to Kill is scraping the bottom of the action barrel.

Your eyes will bleed, your brain will melt and you’ll laugh your ass off.

Rogue Ninja

2011-10-03T01:21:00.000-07:00

My new review of Rogue Ninja at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

The Kunoichi: Ninja Girl

2011-09-25T02:13:00.000-07:00

THE KUNOICHI: NINJA GIRL (2011)

Directed by: Seiji Chiba
Screenplay: Seiji Chiba
Starring: Rina Takeda, Mayu Onomura, Shiho Fujisawa, Kotono

Japanese writer and director Seiji Chiba sure is churning out these cheap and cheerful ninja flicks. From the over-the-top Alien Vs Ninja, to the rather quite good Rogue Ninja and to the awesomely titled Evil Ninja, Chiba certainly likes his ninja movies (he also wrote the awesome Death Trance starring Versus main man Tak Sakaguchi: track it down if you can) and usually that is no bad thing. Ninja movies: awesome. Lots of cool fight scenes: awesome. Plenty of over-the-top concepts and gore: awesome. Chiba’s films have often featured at least one, if not all, of these but unfortunately Ninja Girl might just be one quickie ninja flick too many.

Ok, so it’s not that bad and essentially more of the same. The film certainly has an over-the-top concept: some nasty male ninja dudes (who have had their genitals cut off for some inexplicable reason!!) are kidnapping women and delivering them to a nearby town to be used as tools of pleasure for the higher ranking officials (who still have their genitals: presumably). Some other evil ninja then kidnaps one of the said kidnapped women himself (!) and plans to get her infected with a horrible sexual disease (by some gross looking dude kept in a cave) and then have her infect the entire town she is being sent to (the town is home to a rival ninja clan he wants to wipe out). On top of this, the original evil dudes didn’t bank on one of the women they kidnapped being a badass ninja. She is and she’s Rina Takeda (from other high kicking films such as Karate Girl and High Kick Girl: awesome titles!) who, eventually, kicks everybody’s butt. That’s a lot to fit into 65 minutes.

And this is the problem: almost too much going on. Well, too much explanation of what is going on. The film only features two sets (a forest and that cave recycled from both Alien Vs Ninja and Rogue Ninja) and for a film clocking in at just over an hour (a B-movie runtime if there ever was one) there is an awful lot of exposition about how evil this person is and what evil plans this person has and what this evil person is going to do and so on and so on. While not particularly graphic there is also a rather misogynistic and perverse tone that ultimately mars the film from being outright fun. Sure, Chiba is at least doing something a little different with the ninja genre (than just fighters out for revenge or to regain honour) but what we want is high kicking, sword wielding action.

Thankfully there is at least one standout action sequence. Takeda takes on one of the bad dudes in an awesome brawl that is tightly choreographed, well filmed and features some wicked swordplay. The girl can fight and Chiba can certainly craft an action sequence. Unfortunately it’s all too little too late and makes Ninja Girl (awesome title again) a bit of a disappointment. Chiba is still an action writer/director to watch but this doesn’t have as much kick ass action as Rogue Ninja or the bonkers fun of Alien Vs Ninja.

Guardian Angel

2011-09-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

GUARDIAN ANGEL (1994)

Directed by: Richard W. Munchkin
Screenplay: Jacobson Hart
Starring: Cynthia Rothrock, Darren McVicar, Marshall Teague, Ken McLeod, Lydia Denier

PM Entertainment and Cynthia Rothrock teamed up for, well, a low budget action movie. The action movie/car chase straight-to-video producers of the 1990s, PM Entertainment, worked with many a B-movie action star (Don the Dragon Wilson, Jeff Wincott, Gary Daniels) and even managed to rope in the first lady of American kung fu, Rothrock, for this very silly but action packed vehicle. The car chases are thin on the ground this time but there is plenty of kickboxing action to go around.

Flick starts off as a run-of-the-mill cop flick as two cops (Rothrock, Teague) go gunning for a master criminal, and foxy French lady (Denier), who is causing a nuisance of her self killing people as she looks for some missing counterfeit money plates. Low and behold Rothrock’s partner (who also happens to be her man squeeze) gets killed (good old Teague, from Roadhouse and US Seals 2, exits the movie far too quickly) and this sends her into a depressive downward spiral. Enter smarmy playboy Darren McVicar. He needs a bodyguard and likes women. Rothrock can kick ass and has a great ass. And boom: she is his bodyguard. They begin a love/hate relationship, it turns out the sexy French chick was McVicar's ex, lots of attempts on his life occur, there is a hilarious sojourn to a mental asylum, Rothrock gets to kick butt and there’s some impressive stunts involving Rothrock (or her stunt double) being dragged by a horse and a silly finale featuring speedboats and a helicopter. B-movie business as usual.

Not one of PM Entertainment’s best (that would be Rage or Last Man Standing or The Silencers or Zero Tolerance or Cyber Tracker 2…) and not Rothrock’s finest hour either (try Righting Wrongs or The Blonde Fury) this is still passable low rent action thanks in part to the always likeable Rothrock (who has sparky chemistry with McVicar), many a B-action movie stalwart appearing (Teague, McLeod, Art Camacho, Robert Miano) and the fights (while not spectacular) are punchy and energetic (choreographed by Richard Norton and Art Camacho).

Decent action, the always-welcome Rothrock and lots of ridiculousness (including a guy who gets his crotch set on fire!) make this watchable B-movie trash to fall asleep to.

Undefeatable

2011-09-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

My new review of Undefeatable at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Colombiana

2011-09-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

COLOMBIANA (2011)

Directed by: Olivier Megaton
Screenplay: Luc Besson & Robert Mark Kamen
Starring: Zoe Saldana, Jordi Molla, Lennie James, Amandla Stenberg & Cliff Curtis

So another glossy action flick rolls off Luc Besson’s movie conveyor belt and while it features all kinds of logic defying nonsense and falls foul of too many “techniques” of modern filmmaking (I’m looking at you completely inappropriate, intrusive and annoying music), Colombiana is actually a decent and highly enjoyable action flick. It’s the age old story of a youngster witnessing the death of her parents by some slimy bad guys only to grow up and become a ruthless (and impossibly sexy) killing machine who, of course, goes after her original family’s killers: inevitably leading to a big, bombastic showdown.

Fair play really, as it’s an enjoyable plot hook that, again, works well here and Besson and his team at least give us some likeable characters to root for and some decently staged action beats to make Colombiana a worthwhile, sun soaked ride. There is a bit of grit thrown in as well, at least grit that lives within a heightened action world, as the violence is often quite brutal (though never overly graphic) and the cast at least put blood, sweat and tears into their parts and the action scenes. Zoe Saldana (who is always good in anything she is in) actually manages to convince as a 100lb lethal killing machine. She is tough as nails but infused with personality and she carries the film admirably on her very skinny shoulders. Plus if the sight of her escaping capture in nothing but her underwear and a high-powered rifle doesn’t entertain, well, then you have no right watching movies. The always underrated Cliff Curtis is great as her would be mentor and Lennie James impresses as a more down to earth cop on the deadly assassins trail.

Olivier Megaton makes up for the damage he did to the once enjoyable Transporter series (he helmed the much botched Transporter 3) by filming some dynamic action scenes that for once actually flow. Aside from one over edited/shaky cam fight scene near the end, the action scenes are well put together and most importantly thrilling. From an awesome sequence featuring Saldana breaking into a prison to the firepower heavy shoot-up finale, the action is mean, lean and full of force. It thankfully never feels too rushed and feels more born out of the situation than just thrown in to fill out the running time.

On the downside, logic often takes a flying leap out the window (a young girl somehow makes it all the way to the seedy streets of Chicago from the dangerous streets of Colombia almost entirely on her own; sim cards, or at least what looks like one, in 1992, don’t think so!) but then this is a pulp action film. In addition, Megaton just can’t get away from that annoyingly intrusive music. Seriously it plays over scenes that have no need for it and is thrust into our ears so we know, like, that this scene is dramatic. There is no need for this as the cast are more than able at conveying the emotion.

It may be a little generic of story but with taught direction, a game cast and some impressive action, Colombiana is a refreshingly straightforward and highly enjoyable action film.

The Devil's Tomb

2011-09-17T04:30:00.000-07:00

THE DEVIL’S TOMB (2009)

Directed by: Jason Connery
Written by: Keith Kjornes
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr, Taryn Manning, Henry Rollins, Zack Ward, Valerie Cruz, Jason London, Frankie G, Stephanie Jacobson, Brandon Fobbs, Bill Moseley, Ray Winstone, Ron Pearlman

Phew! What a cast. Especially for a low budget and derivative schlocker about a squad of grunts sent into some underground bunker to rescue somebody, only to get trapped and picked off one-by-one. Yep, a bunch of inept military dudes and dudettes are slaughtered while trapped underground in a movie you’ve probably seen a million times. Yet, despite the familiar set-up and a ridiculous amount of B-movie ham and logic busting barminess, this action-horror hybrid is fairly watchable and delivers a good amount of machine action and lots of gloopy gross out gore.

Ron Pearlman (collecting a pay cheque) has been tinkering with God, the Devil and fallen angels in his deep underground desert base and non-surprisingly all hell has broken loose. Cuba Gooding Jr (continuing his seemingly lucrative sideline in straight-to-DVD fodder) and his squad of trigger-happy soldiers are dispatched to retrieve him but as this type of set-up dictates, they get trapped, possessed and ripped apart accordingly. Ray Winstone (collecting a pay cheque) also pops up for some inexplicable reason (mainly in a lengthy flashback: flashbacks seeming to be a prerequisite of all straight-to-DVD Cuba Gooding Jr movies these days) and there is lots of quoting from the Bible shenanigans as the possessed cast go all heaven and hell on us.

Actually, the God and Devil angle is pretty cool and makes for a change from the usual aliens-on-the-loose or experiment-gone-wrong plot hook and provides mucho opportunity for some freaky possession scenes and copious amount of gore. The blood-splattered excesses are in abundance here and the flick is pretty damn gross. The gore is well handled and the film evokes a certain icky vibe that plays well with all the firepower action. Bill Moseley (collecting a paycheque) gets a weird scene as a possessed scientist rabbiting on about this, that and the next thing and somehow on top off all the gore, possession and military styled action the flick also manages to work in some nudity and a pretty gross lesbian scene. B-movie schlock heaven this is.

Cuba looks somewhat lost in all the gore and action hullabaloo and seems a little tired from making one B-movie after another. Winstone and Pearlman are underused but bring some reliable grit to proceedings and the rest of the cast are actually pretty good. They bring a bit more personality to their stereotypical roles and certainly throw themselves into all the gooey gore. Director Jason (son of Sean) Connery keeps everything moving fairly fast, the gore and close knit action delivered at regularly intervals making sure we viewers get our B-movie fix.

Good, silly, platoon of soldiers fighting for their lives in a sealed off underground complex schlockfest

Screamers: The Hunting

2011-09-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

SCREAMERS: THE HUNTING (2009)

Directed by: Sheldon Wilson
Screenplay: Miguel Tejada-Flores
Starring: Gina Holden, Greg Bryk & Lance Henriksen

The original Screamers was a nifty little slice of hard boiled sci-fi directed by the underrated Christian Duguay (Art of War) and starring the always great Peter (Robocop) Weller. With some sharp dialogue (courtesy in part by Alien co-scribe, Dan O’Bannon) and some corking hard edged action it overcame hokiness and cheesy supporting characters to deliver a taught little sci-fi flick. Based in part on the short story Second Variety by Philip K. Dick, this belated sequel continues where the first left off and despite also featuring a whole heap of hokiness is actually a fun little sci-fi sequel.

A squad of grunts respond to a distress signal from the supposedly deserted planet Sirius 6B. Overrun by the self-evolving, blade-wielding, limb-severing robot Screamers, the space grunts find a band of survivors carving out a meagre existence all the while trying to dodge those body part-separating robots. On top of this they’ve got some kind of space storm on its way to destroy the planet, their ship has been sabotaged (isn’t that always the way?), the Screamers are taking on human form, the plot holes threaten to swallow the film whole and the so called space marines look like a bunch of rejects from 90210. Thank god for some decent action, a good dose of gore and the always-dependable Lance Henriksen.

While the budget is distinctly low, the so called “twists” sign posted a mile away and the platoon of lunar soldiers provide little grit or personality (did no-one learn from The Hills Have Eyes 2: populating your film with a group of charisma free youngsters and trying to pass them off as soldiers does not work) the film is still surprisingly entertaining. Sheldon Wilson’s direction is slick and the pace is swift meaning the killer robot action comes thick and fast. The action is a nice mix of extended gun battles and close knit robot-crunching action as the squad are, literally, torn apart by the razor sharp mechanisms. The gore is well staged and surprisingly bloody as the characters meet some nasty ends and for a cheap sequel to a cult sci-fi flick from the mid nineties, the production values and CGI are pretty darn good.

Good old Lance Henriksen makes a late last act appearance and this marks his umpteenth pay-cheque-collecting appearance in a cheap-jack sequel in the past decade (other highlights including The Mangler 2, Alone in the Dark 2, Pumpkinhead 3 & 4, Hellraiser 8, Mimic 3: geez!) but out acts everyone else and always makes anything he’s in somewhat entertaining. Despite a whole lot of plot absurdity, Screamers: The Hunting still has plenty of action, gore and weird human killing robots making it a perfect slice of B-movie sci-fi.

Aftershock

2011-09-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

My new review of Aftershock at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Shaolin

2011-08-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

SHAOLIN (2011)

Directed by: Benny Chan
Written by: Alan Yuen, Chi Kwong Cheung, Quiyu Wang, Kam Cheong Chan, Cheung Tan
Starring: Andy Lau, Nicholas Tse, Fan Bingbing, Wu Jing, Xin Xin Xiong, Jackie Chan

Blockbuster kung fu doesn’t come much more enjoyable than Benny Chan’s Shaolin: a big, slick epic that features some of the best kung fu action around. Andy Lau plays the powerful General Hou Jie who in the early years of the Chinese Republic is pushing his army ever forward in order to conquer as much land as possible. When his plans to eliminate another powerful warlord backfire, with his young daughter slain in the crossfire and his sworn brother Cao (Tse) betraying him, Jie escapes to a nearby Shaolin temple. Despite having earlier threatened the lives of the monks, they accept him into their ranks. Here Jie rehabilitates himself, comes to see there is more to life than war mongering and learns martial arts under the tutelage of the monks

It is a somewhat predictable story in terms of a once bad man now learning to be good through the loss he has endured and learning to fight back against those who betrayed him. But thanks to some impeccable production values, tight direction and all the actors performing at the top of their game (both in the dramatic and action departments), Shaolin is a corking kung fu flick. Benny Chan has always been good at delivering blockbuster Hong Kong action (Who Am I, New police Story, Invisible Target) and gets to show a more dramatic side with this film. Sure, there is still the requisite amount of bombast and some incredible kung fu but the film gives ample time to the kindly monks and their way of life and how Jie comes to be part of their extended family. So it might not be a serious or meditative look at the life and training of the Shaolin monk but the film is a welcome slice of old fashioned storytelling told on a grand scale.

Lau is his usual solid self, Nicholas Tse (The Beast Stalker) is positively vile as Jie’s duplicitous right hand man (though perhaps a little over-the-top compared to the rest of the film) and there is quality support from Wu Jing (who unfortunately just doesn’t get to fight enough) and the megastar himself, Jackie Chan. Despite only having a supporting role he plays a bigger part than you might think and, yes, gets his own fight scene as well. And it’s a doozy.

The action and fight scenes are top notch, partly overseen by martial arts legend Cory Yuen (Fong Sai Yuk). The kung fu is sharp and slick, the choreography tight, featuring just the right amount of wirework to enhance some of the confrontations: not least the wicked battle that sees Jie being betrayed involving a horde of soldiers brandishing giant axes. Benny Chan can’t quite get away from his love of all things blowing up and the flick features some epic explosions and destruction that could give Michael Bay a run for his money.

It might not always be subtle but Shaolin is still a well-made blockbusting period action film that shows modern kung fu films (even when set in the past) still have a lot to offer.

Target Practice

2011-08-05T03:58:00.001-07:00

TARGET PRACTICE (2008)

Written & Directed by: Richmond Riedel
Starring: Eric Dean, Aaron Hawk, Joey Lanai, Solomon Hoilett, Eltony Williams, Bill Elverman, Richard Deguilo, Daniel Rosenberg

If there is one thing that Target Practice is, it's a helluva tense filled survival tale. Peppered with frequent bursts of fire-powered action, Richmond Riedel's flick manages a feat rarely seen in action cinema these days: keeping the tension wound tight for the entire running time. Rarely does the dire nature of our protagonists dilemma lose its urgency as a group of regular guys head off on a routine fishing trip only to stumble upon a homegrown terrorist training camp. With half the group gunned down, the other half on the run and a possible CIA undercover operation about to be blown, Target Practice is a rare gem of micro budget action cinema that delivers tension and action with expert skill.

Utilising a great setting, some impressive actors and pacing and staging the action for maximum impact, Riedel overcomes (what was presumably) a tiny budget and a familiar set-up to craft an action film which serves up the requisite thrills as well as giving us characters that are much more than mere stereotypes. They might not always be likable but these blue collar guys are thrown into extreme circumstances and certainly grow and learn to adapt over the two grueling days of survival they are put through. Riedel wisely gives us characters we can sink our teeth into, splitting them into two groups: dealing with the situation they've found themselves in and escalating bouts of violence with varying results. They shout, they get scared, they argue, they learn to fight back and refreshingly they talk out what they are gonna do. It's never clear who is going to survive and this all adds to the tension. The characters really feel lost in what seems to be a never-ending woodland area, again adding to the mounting dread and the cast (all relative unknowns) give it their all and convince as desperate men and ruthless killers. Ok, so the bad guys sometimes feel a little low rent and don't always fully convince as deadly terrorists in their scruffy camo gear but they're certainly unrelenting in their determination to kill our heroes.

It's the kinetic charge that makes Target Practice so successful as an action film. Riedel rings every knot of tension out of every situation and stages some impressive gun battles as the hunters take up arms against their pursuers. This all leads to an impressive finale where the heroes forge a plan to ambush the would be terrorists and save their fellow friends who have fallen into the enemy hands. The terror is felt as those who have never fought before have to kill in order to save themselves and their friends all the while going up against trained killers. The tension reaches breaking point and what follows is an expertly staged fire fight that packs as much an emotional punch as it does a visceral one.

Visceral is a good way to describe Target Practice and while the flick perhaps OD's a little on the herky-jerky camerawork it's a minor quibble for what is an accomplished action film that has the right balance of character and action and overcomes its minuscule budget to be a genuine edge of your seat thrill ride.

Good stuff.

http://targetpracticemovie.com/

Circle Man (aka Last Man Standing)

2011-08-05T03:52:00.000-07:00

CIRCLE MAN (1987)

Directed by: Damien Lee
Written by: David Mitchell & Damien Lee
Starring: Vernon Wells, Michael Copeman, William Sanderson, Sonja Belliveau, Franco Columbu, Real Andrews

One time Road Warrior nemesis and John Matrix botherer, Vernon Wells, got a shot at leading action man status in this low rent but surprisingly enjoyable Canadian produced tournament fight flick. More of a street fight/boxing style fight flick rather than a martial arts picture, Circle Man has all the absurdity and low budget wackiness found in these kinds of films but finds time for some character interaction between all the knuckle dusting and has a kind of easy going charm thanks to the likable lead and an array of eccentric characters.

It's your typical story of a down and out fighter who is a little too old and a little too washed up to fight anymore. Trying to turn his life around and look out for his friends, Roo (Wells) decides to dust off the fists one last time and score big before retiring for good and leading the good life with his lady friend. But he's got to deal with a dodgy fight promoter, go up against tough young guns who are leaner and meaner than him and get through several obligatory training montages before he can quit the fight life for good.

This is an earlier cheapie effort from action cheapie specialist Damien Lee (Abraxas, No Exit) and the low rent vibe adds to the blue collar, working-for-a-dollar, down-on-his-luck atmosphere. While the acting at times can be distinctly amateur and over-the-top, Wells at least comes off likable as he goes about doing good by everyone all the while surrounded by a whole host of off-the-wall characters. Not least Batty (one time Arnie stunt double and weight lifting buddy, Franco Columbu) who is completely bonkers after being hit in the head one two many times and spends most of his scenes jumping up and down and ranting insanely.

The fights are mainly saved for the second part of the film and while not intricately choreographed they have a fairly brutal appeal as the fighters trade blows in a less flashy style. Equal parts silly and oddly endearing, Circle Man is a surprisingly entertaining mix of drama and fight action that should appeal to tournament fight film fans and those who enjoy low budget, odd-ball cinema (and there is a fair few of us out there).

Axis of War: My Long March

2011-08-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

My new review of Axis of War: My Long March at Far East Films

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Almighty Thor

2011-07-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

My new review of Almighty Thor at Blueprint Review.

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Blood River

2011-07-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

BLOOD RIVER (1991)

Directed by: Mel Damski
Written by: John Carpenter
Starring: Rick Schroder, Wilford Brimley, John P. Ryan, Adrienne Barbeau

This little seen western is a fun gem. While it isn't particular gritty, it rockets along with sparky performances and some nice locations. Written by the legendary John Carpenter (and apparently originally intended for John Wayne) it's a lot tamer than many of Carpenter more famous films but still features the fun and likeable characters he is known for. Young wannabe cowboy, Jimmy Pearls (Schroder), kills the bad men that stole the gun his father gave him. One of the slain just happened to be the son of evil rancher, Logan (Ryan) and he and his men pursue Jimmy across the state, gunning for blood. Luckily, Jimmy bumps into and eventually teams up with rowdy, once-lived-with-the-indians, frontiers man Winston Culler (Brimley) and the duo form an often bickering but resourceful duo who plot to take down Logan once and for all.

About as standard a western as they come, Blood River has got good cowboys, evil cowboys, a perilous journey across land and water and, of course, shootouts. It's also got a great sense of fun with Schroder and Brimley making a likeable team as they come up with ingenious and sometimes silly ways of thwarting Logan and his men. The flick is nicely shot (partly by frequent Carpenter DP Gary B. Kibbe), humour and action are delivered in frequent bursts and the lovely Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog) even pops up as the head of a "boarding house."

There are plenty of chases, a few shootouts including the climactic Logan's men vs the US Marshals gunfight and a neat bit where Schroder is dragged behind a horse on a makeshift trailer shooting the bad guys with his trusty six shooters. So yeah, this is a fun western. In fact, it is a lot of fun. Unpretentious, straight forward rooting tooting fun that's recommended to western aficionados, John Carpenter completists and those who like easy going action entertianment.

Edge of the Empire

2011-07-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

My new review of Edge of the Empire at Far East Films

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Sniper 2

2011-07-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

SNIPER 2 (2002)

Directed by: Craig R. Baxley
Screenplay: Ron Mita & Jim McClain
Starring: Tom Berenger, Bokeem Woodbine, Erika Marozsan, Tamas Puskas, Linden Ashby

The original Sniper is a solid piece of jungle military action bolstered by the fine performances of Berenger and Billy Zane and features mucho cool camouflaged, high powered rifled action. Gaining a sort of cult status the film spawned three (yes, that's right, three) sequels: two starring Berenger and one, the recently released Sniper Reloaded, starring Zane. Sniper 2 catches up with sniper ace Thomas Beckett (Berenger) many years after the events of the original Sniper. Discharged from duty, Beckett is a lot older now but still a master with a rifle and a scope. Attempting to teach new recruits the way of the sniper, his fiercely traditional ways clash with the hot headedness of the young recruits. Fed up with this, it's not long before the inevitable "we need you to do one last job for us" plot mechanic gears up and Beckett soon finds himself knee deep in Eastern Europe (or some such place as there seems to be many errors in geography and the language certain characters are speaking: but there are plenty of folks on the imdb who seem to get a kick out of pointing this out, so they can fill you in on this) taking out some important dignitary, rescuing another, keeping another gifted sniper under control (Woodbine) and then running for his life with what appears to be most of an army after him. Seems, things don't change too much.

This first sequel is actually pretty decent. It may rehash most of the story of the original and relocate it to a different part of the world but under the assured hand of director Craig R. Baxley (Stone Cold, Dark Angel), Sniper 2 is a solid direct-to-DVD action sequel. Berenger always makes anything he is in worth watching and seems to be enjoying the chance to play Thomas Beckett again. The fact the script actually acknowledges his now older age is a refreshing slant, showing that he is not too old to still engage in combat but that all the fighting and sniping is definitely taking its toll on him. The bond he forms with Woodbine's spotter/sniper (a solider on death row, tagging along on the mission for possible dubious reasons) is given time to develop, more time given to character than usually seen in a direct-to-DVD action quickie sequel. Which all builds quite nicely to an on-the-run finale with features some impressively staged combat.

Baxley knows how to do the action thing and maximizes his limited budget to great effect meaning we get plenty of blown up vehicles, a cool bit involving a tank, a wicked gunfight in some woods where the snipers have to take out a team of pursuing soldiers and an exciting climax which takes place in what appears to be a bombed out town. The film builds to the action meaning character and tension are developed and the final pursuit through the above mentioned bombed out town is thrilling stuff. In general, the action is tight and thrilling and well mounted for a low budget sequel.

Not bad at all.

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus

2011-07-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

My new review of Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus at Blueprint Review.

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Pigs & Battleships

2011-07-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

My new review of Pigs & Battleships at Blueprint Review.

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Blades of Blood

2011-07-04T01:21:00.000-07:00

My new review of Blades of Blood at Far East Films

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Demon Empire

2011-07-04T01:17:00.000-07:00

My new review of Demon Empire at Far East Films

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Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame

2011-06-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME (2010)

Directed by: Tsui Hark
Screenplay: Jialu Zhang, Kuo-fu Chen
Starring: Andy Lau, Li Bingbing, Carina Lau, Chao Deng, Tony Leung Kai Fai

Legendary Hong Kong director Tsui Hark (Seven Swords, Time & Tide and the quite awesome, The Blade) delivers a big, stunning looking blockbuster that harks back to the golden Hong Kong fantasy days of A Chinese Ghost Story and Swordsman 2. Combining his unique visual skills with his knack for impressive production and action design, his new film Detective Dee is one part fantasy, one part detective mystery and one part wuxia action. Big, adventurous and with some thrilling set-pieces Detective Dee can't always keep up with its uniqueness but is still an inventive and often wildly entertaining ride.

Hong Kong superstar Andy Lau is the titular Detective Dee, a master investigator who has spent the last 8 years or so in exile for treason. He dared to disagree with the ruling hand of Empress Wu (Carina Lau), the first women ruler of the empire, so was whisked off to prison. But days before her inauguration into power, some of Wu's most important people are being murdered: bizarrely bursting into flames. Fearing her safety and believing Dee is the only man who can solve the puzzle of the mysterious spontaneous combustion sweeping the land, she sets him free. So, with a couple of bad ass fighters in tow, Dee sets out to solve the crime coming up against all manner of strange goings on: including folks who can transform their appearance through acupuncture, a band of deadly assassins who keep trying to kill him, a gigantic statue he must stop from falling onto the Empress' palace and, er, a talking deer.

Many having been comparing Detective Dee to Guy Ritchie's recent reinterpretation of Sherlock Holmes and I suppose that is a good starting point. Both deal with master detectives, in a period setting, having to solve a bizarre mystery while constantly having to fight off ever increasing enemies and deal with more and more strangeness as the mystery develops. Both films are slick in production value and packed with spectacle but Hark's film owes just as much to fantasy and wuxia films from the 80s and early 90s. While the film is a mystery at heart there is still plenty of out-there stylings and high flying action. Visually the film is a delight existing in a sort of comic book styled bygone dynasty and with magic and oddness at play, Hark gets to flex his creative muscles: people bursting into flames, an opponent who can split into three and fight many combatants at once and that talking deer, which commands a whole herd of deer that Detective Dee has to fight at one highly inventive point. No really, Andy Lau lays the smackdown on some marauding deer. Awesome.

Over seeing (in part) all the smackdown in none other than Sammo Hung, here helping to craft several ingenious flight-of-fancy set-pieces that are inventive, OTT and feature some high impact martial arts. There is that great set-piece featuring the dude who can split in three and an impressive finale where Dee takes on the bad guys inside the massive statue while attempting to stop it from falling. There is lots of flying through the air and characters engaging in physics bending fighting so this is not so much the one-on-one type of intricate combat but for fans of wuxia, which only Hong Kong can do so well, then this is a treat.

On the downside, the pace doesn't always keep up with the imaginative goings on meaning the film does tend to drag on occasion with a little too much exposition being thrown about. Still, Hark keeps a handle on everything and good to see the director pushing his creative boundaries once again. A quality Hong Kong fantasy blockbuster that could see the title character having many more adventures. Which wouldn't be a bad thing.

Bats: Human Harvest

2011-06-23T04:06:00.000-07:00

BATS: HUMAN HARVEST (2007)

Directed by: Jaimie Dixon
Written by: Brett Merryman & Chris Denk
Starring: David Chokachi, Michael Jace, Pollyanna McIntosh

A name in only sequel to the 1999 Lou Diamond Phillips starring original Bats (remember that?), Human Harvest (awesome title) is chock full of cliche, annoying douche bag characters, insane plot contrivances, rickety CGI, giant carnivorous bats and was obviously shot on the cheap (very cheap) somewhere in Eastern Europe: so, of course, I loved it. I love creature features whether it's rampaging sharks, killer bugs or even, well, man eating bats and the lower of budget the better. Bats: Human Harvest has it all: those murderous bats, a former Baywatch star, shonky accents and CGI and a team of inept military dudes thrust deep into a spooky forest (to capture/rescue some important doctor type: who's been messing with the aforementioned bats) meaning there is plenty of opportunity for people to get picked off and engage in automatic fire with hordes of killer bats. Sweet.

The original Bats was a fun fright flick that benefited from the modest budget, the sexy Dina Meyer and Louis Morneau's sparky direction (he also made the quite awesome Retroactive). Its sequel has none of these things but any low budget genre flick that features a platoon of soldiers (Delta Force in this case, as the characters like to remind us all the freaking time) fighting a swarm of animals gone amok gets this doesn't-have-very-high-film-viewing-standards reviewer's vote. Yup, the CGI is distinctly ropey (but its a low budget sequel: that comes as standard), including some CGI helicopters (awesome!), meaning the bats are never really terrifying and the attacks mainly consist of the actors just flapping their arms around wildly or firing randomly into the sky. But there is a bit of gore to spice things up and lots of low rent shoot-outs (and a few surprising kabooms) to keep the flying rodent action ticking along nicely.

There are no likeable characters, everyone seemingly trying to out-douche one another (what is it with modern screenwriting where the people we are supposed to root for are bigger dickheads than the actual villains?) but then most of them get what they deserve and the whole forest setting makes for a cheap but visually appealing setting. So, for a flick about flesh devouring bats causing chaos in some random forest that is a shoe-string sequel to a Lou Diamond Phillips vehicle from the late nineties, Bats: Human Harvest provides of a decent amount of army-guys-fighting-off-rampaging-animals fun.

The Iron Triangle

2011-06-15T02:44:00.000-07:00

THE IRON TRIANGLE (1989)

Directed by: Eric Weston
Written by: John A. Bushelman, Larry Hilbrand, Eric Weston
Starring: Beau Bridges, Hain S. Ngor, Liem Whatley, Johnny Hallyday

Corking Vietnam War film, The Iron Triangle may not be Full Metal Jacket or Platoon but is still a hard hitting war flick with some impressive combat scenes. Featuring some awesome jungle location work the flick sees tough and hard headed soldier Captain Keene (Bridges) seeing combat in the area known as 'The Iron Triangle': the bloodiest and most perilous area in the war zone. Pushing forward into this zone, Keene and his men come up against Colonel Tuong (Ngor) and his army and after much combat and loss of life, Keene finds himself captured. Beaten, tortured and humiliated his life looks to be over until a sympathetic Vietcong soldier, Ho (Whatley), shows mercy on him and they flee into the jungle hunted by Ho's comrades.

So a ropey bond of trust is formed as the two rely on each other and soon learn that they aren't that different: just fighting for different countries. Based on the personal diary of a Vietcong soldier, The Iron Triangle may be a little too polished and succumb to movie trappings (the need for more action, stirring music to evoke emotion) to be a truly realistic portrayal of the soldier's experiences but it sure gives it a good go and doesn't shy away from the violent atrocities. Why it never lingers on the violence and the gore is tame by today’s standards, The Iron Triangle still contains some graphic war violence. The film is often hard hitting, showing how a soldier's life was cruelly expendable and it doesn't shy away from showing the horror of war combat.

The big fire-fight and battle scenes are staged with aplomb with lots of explosive firepower and napalm destroying action and it is pretty much non-stop. The characters barely have time to rest between exchanges of firepower and the film achieves a certain relentlessness which in turn creates some impressive tension and come the finale battle, reaches quite a stirring climax. Bridges and Whatley infuse their characters with humanity and we get to see the war from both their sides. Despite the ordeal they share they never truly change, despite coming to respect one another, still believing they are fighting for the right side.

Not as trashy as a lot of Italian made war films but not quite reaching the gravitas of say Apocalypse Now, The Iron Triangle falls somewhere in between: providing mucho grand scale 80s action goodness while having something to say at the same time. Just the right side of exploitation, The Iron Triangle is well worth seeking out, especially if you are into war/combat movies.

The Sanctuary (aka The Warriors Path)

2011-06-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

My new review of The Sanctuary (aka The Warriors Path) at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Jonah Hex

2011-06-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

JONAH HEX (2010)

Directed by: Jimmy Hayward
Screenplay: Neveldine/Taylor
Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender

"War and me took to each other real well."

Ok, I'm just gonna go right ahead and say it: I enjoyed Jonah Hex. For all its faults, watered down thrills and the fact it has been cut down to barely just an hour and ten minutes of running time, Jonah Hex is stylish comic book fun. Lambasted, torn apart and spit on (not to mention appearing in cinemas for barely any longer than its actual running time) by the fan boy community and critical establishment, Jonah Hex nary had a chance at success. Not to mention a studio that seemed to get cold feet at this being a violent and fairly adult comic book movie thus cutting the running time down to nothing and toning down all the violence and black magic mumbo jumbo. But despite all that was stacked against it, Jimmy Hayward's (who seems to be copping a lot of flack for the film's failures) flick is actually a western/horror/comic book hoot.

Maybe it's just that my expectations were low due to the critical drubbing or I'm just overly sympathetic to films that take a pounding (as I seem to be enjoying films that everyone else hates more and more!) but Jonah Hex gave me a groovy comic book fix while upping the western trappings to entertaining effect. At it's heart, and perhaps due in part to much of the film ending up on the cutting room floor, the flick is just a simple revenge story of Hex (Brolin) going after the killers of his family (Malkovich, Fassbender) who also left him disfigured, dying and with a nifty side effect of being able to talk to the dead. Throw in a few supernatural elements, some quality action and Megan Fox (who's role also seems to have got the trim) in a corset and Jonah Hex is, well, pretty decent.

Yes, the flick is all kinds of ludicrous (but it is a comic book western after all), lacks logic and even coherency on occasion and due to all the shorn footage a great supporting cast is completely wasted: Aiden Quinn has all of two scenes, likewise Wes Bentley, Will Arnett is barely used and the great Michael Shannon has had his part cut back so much he now has a blink-and-you'll-miss-him appearance, complete with one line of dialogue (but bizarrely still gets a main credit recognition!). Malkovich also phones it in but Fassbender is ace as a nutty, tattooed Irishmen hell bent on killing and blowing shit up: but just isn't in it enough. While the mix of western and supernatural doesn't always work, it's a neat concept meaning there a few cool beasties in there (the snakeman!) and Hex even has a scrap with a reanimated corpse (a cool cameo from Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Plus, we get horses with machine guns strapped to their sides, Hex puking up a crow (!) and a barnstorming set-piece involving the hijack and destruction of a train which shows Hayward can handle the action as well as all the weirdness.

Nicely shot and with a searing soundtrack (courtesy in part by Mastadon), Jonah Hex rockets along and with all its over-the-topness and bonkers action, often feels like a long lost blockbuster from the 1990s. Maybe I'm singing its praises too much (as by the end it does kinda fumble into a chaotic mess) but with so much hate flung at this flick, I was surprised at how enjoyable it actually was. It may bare only a passing resemblance to the source material (and for fans of that, it's understandable why they may not like the flick) but Jonah Hex is an enjoyable ride with some tight action, a great performance from Brolin and, refreshingly, a sense of humour (and that is something to be thankful for).

Hell (and I know I'm in the minority here), I liked it.

Time Lapse

2011-06-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

TIME LAPSE (2001)

Directed by: David Worth
Written by: David Keith Miller & Karen Kelly
Starring: William McNamara, Dina Meyer, Henry Rollins & Roy Scheider

Ugh.

Time Lapse had the potential to be a fun and action packed straight-to-DVD actioner but instead is just a slog through, well, a whole lot of nothing. Actually, there was something: a high speed chase involving a helicopter chasing an SUV down the side of a mountain. Oh, and the explosive finale which features a tanker flipping on its side, then exploding taking out the bridge it is on while the heroes out-run the explosion in their car. But wait, these scenes are actually stolen stock footage from other better films: the helicopter bit from the stellar Gene Hackman flick Narrow Margin (a scene that has been cribbed and used in dozens of cheapie stock footage action flicks) and the tanker bit from the awesome The Long Kiss Goodnight. Two films you should definitely watch instead of Time Lapse.

This should have been fun. I mean, we’ve got the uber sexy Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers), the always awesome Roy Scheider (hamming it up) and director David Worth has delivered some cool low budget action flicks in the past: Chain of Command with Michael Dudikoff, True Vengeance with Daniel Bernhardt and not to mention he co-directed the original, and still ace, Kickboxer. Unfortunately, Time Lapse is just a dreary drag about an anti-terrorist agent losing his memory and going on the run to find who he is and stop some nefarious plan to blow something up with a nuclear device. The cast are wasted; scenes drag with loooong pauses between characters talking which robs the film of any pace or tension. The action is low rent, even by low rent standards, resorting to the above mentioned use of stoke footage action scenes which is just, quite frankly, annoying.

Rolled off the Cinetel Films conveyor belt (who specialise in low budget action and horror flicks, especially those using stock footage) Time Lapse isn’t one of their more fun efforts which is surprising considering it's got Dina Meyer, Roy Schieder, the creepy guy from Copycat and even freaking Henry Rollins in it. Though seeing the hero jump from a high rise building while another guy shoots at him, and misses, land on solid concrete, do a forward roll and survive, did raise a smile.

Young Bruce Lee

2011-06-09T03:55:00.000-07:00

My new review of Young Bruce Lee at Blueprint Review

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Faccia a Faccia (aka Face to Face)

2011-06-09T03:53:00.000-07:00

My new review of Faccia a Faccia (aka Face to Face) at Blueprint Review

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Dragonball: Evolution

2011-06-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

My new review of Dragonball: Evolution at Far East Films

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The Way of War

2011-05-24T01:37:00.001-07:00

THE WAY OF WAR (2009)

Directed by: John Carter
Screenplay: Scott Schaffer
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr, John Terry, Jaclyn Desantis, JK Simmons & Clarence Williams III

So it seems Cuba Gooding Jr has also found himself headlining straight-to-DVD action thrillers, joining a club that features the likes of Wesley Snipes, Val Kilmer and Jean Claude Van Damme (all regular straight-to-DVDers). Nothing particularly wrong with that as some have been pretty decent (Hero Wanted, Linewatch) and some not so (Hardwired) but The Way of War has to be the worst (at least of the ones I have seen) that he has released over the last few years. From the title, trailer and artwork this looked like it might have been an enjoyable military themed action film. Well, all this proved deceptive as while The Way of War is certainly military themed, it has very little action and is rarely enjoyable.

At first glance the film seems to have a decent (if predictable) set-up as Gooding Jr plays special forces dude David Wolfe who, deployed somewhere in the Middle East with his unit, is charged with taking out a terrorist leader with the name, The Ace of Spades. But sensing something is a miss (and with the subsequent killing of his unit) he returns to the States to suss out what is going on and find out who is setting him up and get revenge for the death of his squad. At least that's what appears to be going on as after a good 45 minutes or so of nothing really happening, lengthy monologues about the nature of war and pointless scenes of Gooding Jr riding around in a taxi, it's hard to tell what is going on.

Despite a decent cast and some slick production values, The Way of War goes nowhere slowly, with nothing exciting happening during the entire running time. The fractured timeline doesn't help either, with constant and pointless flashbacks and cutaways taking place in the middle of scenes meaning any pace or tension is lost. This renders Wolfe's plight uninteresting and without pace and while the makers have attempted to make a serious war themed thriller (which is fair enough) the cringe inducing (and obligatory) quotes from Sun Tzu's Art of War and constant ramblings from various characters make The Way of War a disappointing (and often pretentious) bore.

There is next to no action, though Gooding Jr does, inexplicably and bizarrely, end up in some kind of underground fighting tournament at one point calling himself the War Machine (!!??). To be fair the cast do well with what they are given, especially a likeable Clarence Williams III, and the production is slick but unfortunately The Way of War just adds up to a whole lot of dull.

Hanna

2011-05-19T04:25:00.000-07:00

My new review of Hanna at Blueprint Review

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Hollow Man

2011-05-19T02:38:00.001-07:00

HOLLOW MAN (2000)

Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
Screenplay: Andrew W. Marlowe
Starring: Elizabeth Shue, Josh Brolin & Kevin Bacon

Arrogant, genius scientist, Sebastian Caine (Bacon) has almost perfected full body invisibility. Needing one last test to see if it works on humans (not just lab animals), Caine volunteers to be the guinea pig. At first everything works, as Caine is rendered completely invisible, but when the reversion process goes wrong, Caine finds himself permanently invisible. It’s up to fellow scientists, Linda (Shue) and Matthew (Brolin) to find a way to bring him back. However, Caine’s new found lack of appearance creates some murderous delusions of grandeur and trapping Linda, Matthew and the rest of the scientist team in their underground lab, he sets about offing them one by one.

A big budget B-movie; Hollow Man is a state of the art hoot. Combining the trash sensibilities of Basic Instinct with the futuristic ultra violence of Robocop and Total Recall, Verhoeven conjures up an onslaught of sophisticated FX while Kevin Bacon’s homicidal invisible man overacts a storm. The main draw really is the eye boggling visual effects, which are still impressive today. When a person or animal disappears there whole body evaporates layer by layer. We get to see all of the anatomy from bones to arteries to intestines to even de-skinned genitals in all their intricate and gory detail. If Hollow Man is successful at one thing, it is showing that CGI can be effective if used right and if you have enough money to pull it off realistically.

The story that frames all the dazzling effects is a little “hollow”, but serves the action well enough. It is after all, a tale of a scientist gone mad with his own creation. When Caine is first made invisible, there is an attempt to delve into the psychological impact the lack of a visible body is having on him. Yet, he seems to turn to the dark side all too quickly, his main reason being sexual jealousy over Linda and Matthew’s relationship. Descending proceedings into familiar (if no less entertaining) stalk and slash territory, Verhoeven pulls out all the stops in the name of ultra violence. People are speared, garrotted and set on fire in a bombardment of show stopping set pieces. Verhoeven makes the most of his invisible effects: the best sequence being a scientist throwing the contents of blood transfusion bags over Caine in an attempt to see him. This barrage of violent deaths, along with the impressively staged elevator shaft denouement, are great adrenaline fuelled cinema, but makes the film more of a whiz-bang actioner than a psychological study of science gone mad.

Bacon is manically arrogant as super slick boff, Caine, while the rest of the cast perform with aplomb considering the hokey and technical orientated dialogue. Though not as accomplished as his other sci-fi epics, Robocop, Total Recall and Starship Troopers, Hollow Man is still an entertaining film and shows a director at the top of his action game. It’s all a bit over the top but pulled off with enough consummate skill and tension to make it enjoyable sci-fi trash.

Max Schmeling: Fist of the Reich

2011-05-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

My new review of Uwe Boll's Max Schmeling: Fist of the Reich at Blueprint Review

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Shock Labyrinth

2011-05-16T02:55:00.000-07:00

My new review of Shock Labyrinth at Far East Films

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Confucius

2011-05-03T03:16:00.000-07:00

My new review of Confucius at Far East Films

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Sinners & Saints

2011-04-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

SINNERS & SAINTS (2010)

Directed by: William Kaufman
Written by: William Kaufman & Jay Moses
Starring: Johnny Strong, Kevin Phillips, Costas Mandylor, Sean Patrick Flannery, Tom Berenger

Back-to-basics ballistic action is what Sinners & Saints delivers in spades. It’s also got ample tough guy swagger, a rough and tumble vibe and several meaty performances from a game cast which includes some fresh faces and action movie stars from yester year. It’s a down and dirty cop thriller and William Kaufman’s film is a welcome return to the kind of tough guy action films we just don’t see much of anymore.

In a Katrina ravaged New Orleans, bad ass cop Sean Riley (Strong) is facing a suspension with his tired looking captain (Berenger) doing everything he can to keep Riley from screwing up his life. Riley is as tough as they come and after losing his son and being abandoned by his wife, he is becoming increasingly more jaded. After the gunning down of his latest partner (Kim Coates) in a ferocious opening gun battle, Riley is assigned to a new case where brutal slayings, involving burning the victims alive, are plaguing the city. Teamed up with a rookie partner (Phillips), the pair plunge into the darkness of the city and do battle with warring gangs, a rogue team of former combat experienced killers and Riley’s childhood friend (Flannery), who may just be at the center of all the violence and murder.

Sinners & Saints certainly walks the well worn path of a cop thriller: tough, renegade cop with a damaged home life; a rookie partner who is his polar opposite; a new case that will either push him further over the edge or save him from his downward spiral. But Kaufman and his co-writer Jay Moses take these familiar elements and spin them into something that seems incredibly fresh. First off, Johnny Strong gives an impressive performance as the seen-it-all cop and despite being as hard as nails there is a human under there. When his captain tells him to take it easy and reassigns him he refreshingly doesn’t lock horns with him but agrees, showing the two have a friendship beyond their working relationship. Likewise, when he is partnered with Phillips, despite a little trepidation, the two form a realistic relationship becoming friends and backing each other up in the numerous firefights: no clichéd arguments about how to do things or hating each other at first only to then respect each other nonsense. Despite all the seasoned acting talent on hand, Strong and Phillips hold their own and make for some welcome likeable heroes.

In addition to this refreshing take on the usual cop heroes there are also some formidable bad guys on show. For once the villains feel like a threat and thanks to likes of Costas Mandylor, and his brother Louis (who plays a scary eyed killer), are injected with ruthless venom. Costas Mandylor is just awesome as the bad guy increasingly losing his grip on the situation and under pressure from other scary bad guys in the form of gang bosses Jurgen Prochnow and Method Man. In addition, Sean Patrick Flannery also makes an impression as Riley’s at-the-end-of-his-line buddy. Seemingly shot on the streets of New Orleans, still in a ravaged state, Sinners & Saints achieves a fairly gritty tone and feeling, not least in some of the violence which on a few occasions is intensely graphic. The flick sticks to its dark roots and pulls no punches in the death and torture scenes. This is a hard edged thriller.

On top of all this, Kaufman and his team stage some barnstorming action scenes. Mainly of the gunplay/heavy firepower variety (though there are few hand-to-hand fights in there too), the gun blazing action is top notch. Obviously tipping its hat to Heat, the action is staged with verve, clarity and ammo spewing ferocity. There are several sustained set-pieces of machine gun combat as the cops and various bad guys go at one another with high powered weapons. The action scenes are tense, well choreographed, easy to follow and seem devoid of any CGI. This is proper old school action staging. From a quick and merciless raid on a photography studio to an impressive gun battle that ensues when the cops accidentally stumble on the bad guys doing bad things, the action scenes sizzle and place Sinners & Saints high above most independently produced action films.

Sure proceedings do tend to tip into the pulpy side of things (though this never dents the entertainment value) and some may be put off by the overt tough guy swagger and some of the more predictable elements but on the whole Sinners & Saints is impressive: both as an action film and a thriller. Well made, with interesting characters, a tense pace and some corking action scenes this film deserves to find a wide audience. Great stuff.

www.sinnersandsaintsthemovie.com

Sky Blue

2011-04-18T02:59:00.000-07:00

My new review of Sky Blue at Far East Films

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Thunder Squad

2011-04-08T01:48:00.001-07:00

THUNDER SQUAD (aka WILD TEAM)

Directed by: Umberto Lenzi
Screenplay: Roberto Leoni
Starring: Antonio Sabato, Sal Borgese, Julia Fursich, Ivan Rassimov, Werner Pocath

Italian shock master Umberto Lenzi is well known for his gore soaked shockers The Man from Deep River, Cannibal Ferox and Eaten Alive but made just as many action pics as he did horror ones. Thunder Squad is perhaps one of the lesser known jungle based action flicks and isn't as insanely wild or over-the-top as the likes of other Italian action flicks such as Strike Commando or Double Target but is still a fun romp through the jungles with a heavy dose of machine gun action.

Short and sweet it gets straight to the point when the son of some important dignitary is kidnapped and held hostage within the bowels of the jungle. So Antonio Sabato (Tuareg Desert Warrior) and his rag-tag team of middle aged special forces dudes (consisting bizarrely of a British chap, a German and the most stereotypical Italian: mamma mia!) are called in and once they've proved how bad-ass they are (by kicking the crap out of some young soldiers) and recruiting (and perving on) a foxy babe who just happens to be an explosives expert, they head into the jungle to rescue the young nipper. But double crosses, the unrelenting jungle, the need to constantly take a break to rest (well, they are middle aged afterall) and the fact the kid they rescue is more resourceful and better at saving the day than they are, all conspire against them as they attempt to complete their mission.

Silly and rather tame compared to other Italian action fests, Thunder Squad is still a cheap and cheerful Lenzi flick with some cool location work, ample cheese and a fair share of firepower. Nothing really revolutionary happens and the pace is a little more laid back, what with the squad all at least well into their forties and even pushing fifty meaning proceedings more amble along than explode at breakneck pace. Not that this is a problem as there is lots of overacting, requisite cutaways to shady dudes in suits doing all the double-crossing, a hammy villain and come the final half hour lots of bullets being sprayed.

And this being a cheap Italian action flick from the 80s there is also plenty of absurd goings on to keep the entertainment value flowing. Like what? Well when the team take out the group of trainee soldiers near the beginning they kick the crap out of them while high-fiving each other as if they are out playing lazer tag or something; once they are done perving on the foxy lady recruit they allow her to join the squad but only after she has survived being inside an exploding building, which she somehow does survive and just walks out waving like it's the most natural thing in the world (!); and the fact that the kid they go to rescue (who is an annoying little twerp) ends up saving the day and gets most of the squad sent to rescue him killed. Brilliant. Oh, and there is lots of hilariously awful dubbing and non-acting.

Considering it's a Lenzi flick the violence is rather toned down save for a few bloody squibs. A lower key, less violent but still barmy Italian action flick there is some action fun to be gained from Thunder Squad.

The Taint

2011-04-04T02:10:00.001-07:00

THE TAINT (2010)

Directed by: Drew Bolduc & Dan Nelson
Written by: Drew Bolduc
Starring: Drew Bolduc, Colleen Walsh, Cody Crenshaw, Kenneth Hall

What do a crazy and gross dream sequence, a mental and defecating redneck and a severed penis all have in common? Well, they’re all featured in the opening few minutes of The Taint. All these absurd and gross images assault our senses within the first few minutes of Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson’s film, pretty much setting us up for the next hour or so of unrelenting nastiness and outright bonkers. Though despite the severed penis and the redneck shitting himself the funniest bit is actually our (anti) hero stopping to light a cigarette mid chase from the shitting his pants inbred.

While Bolduc’s and Nelson’s film certainly reaches epic heights of absurd gross out spectacle and taste boundary pushing madness, it is often at its funniest in simpler more deadpan moments: such as the great moment mentioned above or an attractive couple who while proclaiming their undying love for one another simply put it as “Fuck anyone that isn’t in love like us!” Quite. That’s not to say there isn’t fun to be gained from all the in your face gore and inappropriateness: cause if there is one thing The Taint has, it’s in your face gore and if there is one thing it is, it’s inappropriate. Taking a page out of the Troma filmmaking book and then coating it in acid and adding a fair dose of modern day nihilism and don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, The Taint takes the underbelly of society’s obsession with all things phallic and misogynistic to new depraved heights. Gore, semen and male genitalia have never been thrown at the screen with such wild and embracing abandonment. The Taint is nasty, gory, insane and just plain gross. It’s also pretty damn funny.

When a couple of douche bag wannabe scientists create a serum to enhance the male genitalia and their even bigger douche bag boss releases said serum into the water supply, the male population goes into an unrelenting frenzy of misogynistic madness and penis obsessed lunacy. Women aren’t safe anymore and are liable to get their heads caved in by the maniac males. So, through various exploitation goofiness and nonsensical plotting it’s up to a slacker inclined and 1970s hair and sunglasses obsessed dude and a shotgun wielding, tough as nails, ain’t-gonna-stand-for-it-babe, to hit back at the engorged of penis population. Let the goo spewing madness commence.

Wanna see something different? Wanna see something that lives up to its vile exploitation roots? Wanna see something that has gun blasting heroes blowing holes in and the sex appendages off of deranged maniacs? If so, and let’s face it, who the fuck doesn’t, then watch The Taint. Exploitation to the max, a complete deconstruction of how lame and dick obsessed the male race can be and at times, just outright funny, The Taint is pure underground madness. Slickly shot and delivered with deadpan brilliance, The Taint will assault you with images you never wanted to see and have you laughing out loud at the same time. The comedy flows just as much as the blood and body fluids with some great deadpan moments: our sort of hero always changing between two sets of sunglasses, his ineptness at skateboarding and a hilarious animated sequence featuring some poor hapless bunnies.

Considering the slight of budget there are also some awesomely effective gore effects which are laid on thick and a rather brilliant musical score which only enhances the unrelenting weirdness. Sure it suffers from some unavoidable problems of micro budget filmmaking (ropey acting, momentum sagging, maybe trying a bit too hard to shock) but these crazy kids have crafted a truly unique, gross and shotgun blowing away scumbags experience that should be seen by anyone who is into underground/independent/gross out cinema and for those who miss the exploitation days of the 1970s and 80s.

www.taintmovie.com

K-20: Legend Of The Black Mask

2011-04-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

My new review of K-20: Legend Of The Black Mask at Far East Films

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Fireball

2011-04-04T02:05:00.000-07:00

My new review of Fireball at Far East Films

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Give Em Hell Malone

2011-03-28T02:35:00.000-07:00

GIVE EM HELL MALONE (2009)
Directed by: Russell Mulcahy
Written by: Mark Hosack
Starring: Thomas Jane, Ving Rhames, Elsa Pataky, Doug Hutchinson, Chris Yen

I suppose Give Em Hell Malone is a love it or hate it kind of film. You either get it or you don't. You either go with its vibe or you don't. I got the vibe and I loved it. Part noir, part ballistic action, part black comedy and part ultra violent and stylised comic book infused mayhem, Give Em Hell Malone certainly mashes its genres but with a committed cast and director who embrace the outrageous nature and a frenetic pace that never falters over the 90 minute run time, this is an ultra-violent good time.

Give Em Hell Malone is one of those flicks that is set in the present but has a kind of stylised 1940s private eye vibe going on. Everyone has cell phones and it's present day but all the main characters are tough guy gumshoes, femme fatales and comic book villains straight out of some 1940s pulp fiction. This is an aspect you will either get on aboard with or you won’t. Despite the modest budget which means things are a little rough around the edges sometimes, the makers nail this aspect well. So we have Thomas Jane as the hard-as-nails Malone, a gun for hire who survives a nasty gun fight, walking away with a suitcase filled with mysterious contents. So no sooner has Malone cried "set-up" everyone and their cousin comes gunning for the suitcase. These include the obligatory femme fatale, a trio of uber-violent villains and somewhat inexplicably, Malone's own mum. Well, she's not really after the suitcase but somehow gets caught up in all the carnage to hilarious effect.

Thankfully not taking itself too seriously, Give Em Hell Malone has fun with its zany concept and once it's out the starting gate, rarely let’s up. Dark comedy, violence and over-the-top action all go hand-in-hand as the film tears its way through private eye concepts and clichés, embracing and obliterating them with equal aplomb. The cast are spot on, spitting out hard boiled dialogue and Jane is just plain awesome as the impossible to kill Malone. He seems to be the go to man for quality genre fare.

I've always been a fan of director Russell Mulcahy from Highlander to Resident Evil: Extinction and his tight direction helps to keep the frenetic charge of the film on track. The budget does show through occasionally but Mulcahy crams the film with so much ultra violence and gags the entertainment never dips. This is certainly a violent film: in an over-the-top, cartoon kind of way but very violent nonetheless. Folks are burnt (repeatedly), bloody squibs go off left, right and centre, a guy's face is shattered from a bullet and Malone himself gets pummeled more times than is humanly possible to survive. It must be noted that the film opens with one hell of a gun fight, the best action scene in the film. In fact, it’s so good it’s kinda disappointing there is nothing quite as good or as kinetic in the rest of the film. Ok, every time Chris (little sister of Donnie) Yen shows up to cause mayhem is pretty damn awesome as well.

Probably not a film for everyone, Give Em Hell Malone is a wild ride with a cast and director at least trying and mostly succeeding at delivering something different.

I dug it.

Deadly Crossing

2011-03-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

TRUE JUSTICE: DEADLY CROSSING (aka RUSSIAN CROSSING) (2011)
Directed by: Keoni Waxman
Written by: Steven Seagal
Starring: Steven Seagal, Sarah Lind, Gil Bellows

After years of direct-to-DVD action fodder (some good: Pistol Whipped, A Dangerous Man; the rest mainly rubbish) and a brief stint with a reality TV show, the big man and one time Under Siege star now transplants himself into an action TV show: True Justice. Seagal is tough Seattle cop Elijah Kane (in other words: he's Steven Seagal) who heads some kind of bad ass crime fighting squad made up of good looking, know-it-all and improbable police officers who only exist in slick TV cop shows. So there is a new recruit learning the ropes, a douche bag pretty boy who thinks all the ladies love him, a female cop who looks like a Sports Illustrated model and of course Seagal himself, who mainly sits behind a desk sprouting wisdom and occasionally gets up to fire guns and break bones.

This pilot episode is a slick looking production and deals with the gang trying to take down some Russian kingpin played by Gil Bellows. Seagal looks more at ease than he has done in most of his direct-to-DVD epics of late but the rest of the cast, despite trying their best, are unfortunately lumbered with annoying characters who attempt to try and out douche one another. Sarah Lind is the only one that comes off as really likeable as the tough new recruit. Deadly Crossing is part CSI and part Seagal movie and while it never blends together seamlessly, the flick feels more like the action shows of the 80s and 90s such as Renegade and Walker: Texas Ranger compared to one of those numerous talking head cop shows that seem to clog up the airwaves these days.

There is a decent amount of action as well, including Seagal akido-ing bad guys at regular intervals, some decent gun battles and even a ridiculous bit where Seagal skids and slides his SUV while he fires his gun at the same time taking out the bad guys. Awesome. Unfortunately, the makers obviously got hold of a new Avid edit system when putting this together and overdo the whole thing with lots of ridiculous swooshes, fast cuts, blends, flashes and various other stupid and pointless "Avid farts." Ugh.

Cheesy action TV that's entertaining, has Seagal doing his thing and is an easy going watch if you like some fisticuffs and fire fights to go along with all the cop talking and posing. He's conquered martial arts, movies, music (sort of) and the energy drinks business, now Seagal well and truly kicks TV's ass.

Exiled

2011-03-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

My new review of Exiled at Far East Films

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Postmortem

2011-03-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

POSTMORTEM (1998)

Director: Albert Pyun
Screenplay: John Lowry Lamb & Robert McDonnell
Starring: Charles Sheen, Michael Halsey, Stephen McCole & Ivana Milicevic

I've always enjoyed Albert Pyun films with the likes of Nemesis, Kickboxer 2, Cyborg, Mean Guns, Knights and even Adrenalin all regularly getting a watch so I can get my Pyun action movie fix. Here we have Postmortem a slight change of pace for a Pyun flick (as in there are no cyborgs or kung fu featured): a serial killer flick that manages to create an unsettling mood and be quite entertaining at the same time. In fact (for those who care, and I know there are some), this could be Pyun’s most accomplished work, at least since Nemesis.

James McGregor (Sheen) is an American ex-cop turned novelist who, after seeing one too many nasty crimes, has deserted his family and shacked up in Glasgow, Scotland. Wallowing in self pity, McGregor is accused of a killing when a dead girl turns up in his back yard. Convincing the cops he is innocent and that a killer is setting him up, McGregor high tails it into the highlands to get away from the madness. However, Inspectors Ballantine (Halsey) and Turner (Millicevic) want him to join the police team in their hunt for the killer. It’s only a matter of time before McGregor agrees and the search for the killer is on.

So far, so standard. What is refreshing about this film is the setting. Having the action take place in Glasgow may seem a little odd but it is a nice change from Los Angeles or New York. We get to see a lot of Scotland’s architecture and countryside as McGregor and the police chase the killer through city streets, graveyards and various other local settings. Part of the appeal is perhaps seeing a Hollywood actor run around the middle of Glasgow (not something you would often see, I assume). People of a Scottish persuasion may be irritated by the fact that an American has to show the local police how to find the killer. This is a valid point, though Sheen being American makes his character more of an outsider and gives him a sense of loss while tracking a killer in an alien country.

Sheen (credited as Charles here) works well in this film, showing that there is still an actor inside him. In the earlier scenes, and presumably drawing from personal experience, he portrays the alcoholic, disheveled McGregor convincingly. Once he is on the case, Sheen plays his character as a man desperately trying to stop the bad that is happening (though his transformation from drunk to hero seems to just involve having a shave). But Sheen and the script never turn McGregor into a gun-toting, gung-ho saviour. He is very much an ordinary man, who makes mistakes and finds himself caught up in something unbelievable. McGregor never resorts to using a gun and there is no improbable romantic subplot. The rest of the cast do well with their one-dimensional characters. Halsey (Mean Guns) as Ballatine is good support but obviously struggles with his Scottish accent.

The pace of the film is perhaps what makes it work. Some reviews have commented that the film drags in some scenes. This is true but making the film a bit longer at 105 mins, the filmmakers have been able to explore the reasons for the killer’s actions with more intensity and maturity than most serial killer flicks. Using flashbacks and revealing the killer earlier on allows us to see what drives the killer to do what he is doing. There is no quick, convoluted exposition blurted out in the final scene by the killer in order to explain why he is murdering. The film takes time to show what a flawed but no less evil person the murderer is. This makes the character a real monster compared to the cartoon monsters that most thrillers portray their villains as. The gore is kept to a minimum and used wisely, though there is an unnecessary amount of gratuitous nudity.

Pyun hasn't always been renowned for coherence in his pictures, but here he seems to be learning to let scenes run a little longer and have actions explained: he doesn’t seem to have been pressured to cut out huge chunks in order to get that coveted 90 minute run time. George Mooradian’s camerawork is another bonus. The camera flows and swoops around characters and action giving the film a sense of momentum and freedom. Though this technique is overused a little, it is particularly effective in the scene where McGregor and the police pursue the killer through the streets of Glasgow.

With a somber tone and a slightly more thought provoking ending than one would expect, this was a surprisingly entertaining film. In a market flooded with direct-to-video fodder (and I’ve seen a lot…a bloody lot) Postmortem is a worthy attempt at trying something different with the serial killer genre.

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen

2011-03-11T04:02:00.000-08:00

LEGEND OF THE FIST: THE RETURN OF CHEN ZHEN (2010)

Directed by: Andrew Lau
Screenplay: Gordon Chan
Starring: Donnie Yen, Shu Qui, Anthony Wong

Donnie Yen seems to be jumping from one period marital arts blockbuster to the next, Legend of the Fist coming off the back of such hits as Ip Man 1 & 2, 14 Blades and Bodyguards & Assassins. While Legend of the Fist doesn't reach the heights of some of these action spectaculars it's still a good looking romp that is unfortunately let down by a shaky narrative and not quite delivering on the awesome action fest the trailers and marketing material suggested.

Yen is Chen Zhen, an all round good egg fighting for the Chinese resistance during World War 1 and who just happens to be a martial arts badass. After a stonking opening sequence where Chen Zhen takes out a squad of enemy soldiers on the war torn battlefield, the flick relocates to Shanghai. Here Zhen has taken on the identity of a fallen comrade so he can continue to work for the resistance. He gains the trust of a local crime boss (Wong), cosies up to his girl (Qui) and takes on the persona of a masked vigilante who dishes out kung fu justice against the ever threatening Japanese. Let the ass kicking commence.

Unfortunately, it never really does. There are several impressive sequences of Yen dishing out kung fu combat but considering the trailers and such promised what looked like a rip-snorting martial arts good time, Legend of Chen Zhen feels too bogged down in melodrama. Nothing wrong with trying to make a serious film as afterall, the atrocities of war and the fight of the Chinese against the genocide inclined Japanese (circa WW 1 & 2) are serious subjects but Andrew Lau's film just never really takes off: as a serious drama or an action film. Maybe it's the attempt to fuse the two that doesn't quite work or maybe it's that despite Yen's and the cast's best efforts the dramatic scenes just don't always engage. The narrative seems choppy and somewhat muddled with the whole plot point of Chen becoming a masked superhero type saviour of the common people, more of an after thought than an actual integral part of the storyline.

One the plus side, the period detail is lavishly recreated, with Shanghai a glorious neon lit setting. The action when it does arrive is breathlessly staged and features some impressive kung fu combat. As mentioned the opening sequence is a doozy and there is a great fight where Yen takes on a handful of goons in what seems to be some kind of library room. Unfortunately these sequences are far too short but are very sweet. It must be also mentioned that despite the glossy look, the film is extremely violent in parts with graphic violence and torture making frequent appearances.

With a wandering tone, a lack of focus and a need for a few more action sequences, Legend of the Fist is a little underwhelming. Breathlessly staged in parts and frustratingly plodding in others the film is a mixed bag but worthy of a watch if you are a Donnie Yen fan.

Scanner Cop

2011-03-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

SCANNER COP (1994)

Directed by: Pierre David
Screenplay by: George Saunders & John Bryant
Starring: Daniel Quinn, Richard Grove, Darlanne Fluegel & Richard Lynch

Scanner Cop (along with its sequel, Scanner Cop 2) is a spin-off film from the original Scanners series, and while not as good as Cronenberg’s original, it is a decent sci-fi cop thriller. Rescued by a kindly police officer from his out of control Scanner dad, Samuel Staziak (Quinn) grows up to be a cop. Learning to suppress and control his Scanner abilities (reading minds, controlling people’s actions), Staziak just wants to lead a normal life. However, the evil Dr. Carl Glock (Lynch) disrupts these plans with his plot to wipe out the L.A. Police Force through mind control. This forces Staziak to unleash his Scanner abilities to prevent Glock’s plan.

Directed by Pierre David (producer of Mission of Justice, Scanners 2 & 3), Scanner Cop is a fairly ludicrous affair but no less entertaining for it. Decently shot (though the lighting tends to be a bit dark) and produced, the actors do their best with the material given. Basically a cop thriller with a bit of Scanners thrown in, the film still displays some nifty special effects sequences. Courtesy of John Carl Buechler (From Beyond, Bride Of Re-Animator), we get engorged veins, metal plates exploding from heads, a giant insect and three tiny heads bursting from another character’s forehead. There is also the obligatory Scanners exploding head shot. Yet the best is saved for the rather disturbing scene when the hero wanders through a mental asylum (representing Hell, which another character is stuck in) where the inmates are doing lots of wrong (very wrong) things to one another. Gross, but very effective.

Add in Drake from Aliens (Mark Rolston), a cameo from the late, great Brion James (Bladerunner) and a good amount of silliness and Scanner action, and you have an entertaining hour and a half of mind-frying entertainment.

Project Shadowchaser 4: The Gates of Time

2011-03-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

PROJECT SHADOWCHASER 4: THE GATES OF TIME (aka ORION'S KEY) (1996)

Directed by: Mark Roper
Screenplay by: B.J. Nelson
Starring: Frank Zagarino, Todd Jensen & Jennifer MacDonald

Project Shadowchaser: The Gates Of Time is a very bizarre flick. The first three Project Shadowchasers were entertaining and action packed sci-fi B-movies, with number 2, Night Siege, being the best of the bunch. Number 4 however, abandons all that made the others fun (cool fights, gunplay and lame one liners) for a muddled tale of African tribes, a dying kid, little alien dudes, a mythical elixir, lame action and some Gates Of Time that are never mentioned or seen in the film. Oh, and the psychotic cyborg from Shadowchaser 1-3 shows up too.

After a very odd prologue featuring dancing tribes, aliens and loads of lightening, Frank Zagarino’s flat-topped cyborg is unearthed by two dim-witted archaeologists and is on a quest to find an elixir and something called Orion’s Key (the film’s original title, which makes sense considering it’s said about 20 times during the film). Somehow the archaeologists’ kid and their nefarious boss get involved and it’s down to business, with the killer cyborg chasing everyone in sight. Now that’s all good and bizarre, but the strangest thing is setting all this in Africa. Watching bleach blond, leather clad Zagarino run round the desert causing havoc is very silly indeed. Director, Mark Roper (Warhead) is a South African native and fills proceedings with picturesque shots of the African landscape and its people. One minute it’s a daft sci-fi flick, the next a travelogue of the African countryside. There seems to be an awful lot of tribal dancing for a film about a killer cyborg.

It’s a shame really as The Gates Of Time has decent production values and is fairly well made and shot. More of a bemusing oddity than an entertaining film. However, look out for the creepy opening eyes in the rocks when the heroes are climbing the cliff. Sounds odd, but is eerily effective.

The flick also goes by the title of Alien Chaser.

Missing

2011-03-09T02:04:00.000-08:00

My new review of Missing at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Wild

2011-03-07T02:37:00.000-08:00

My new review of Wild at Far East Films

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Charity Hurts

2011-03-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

CHARITY HURTS (2010)

Written, edited, produced, action choreographed, starring and directed by: Andrew Thatcher

As you can tell from his credits above, Andrew Thatcher is pretty much a one man mini movie production house. Based in Australia and utilising all his micro-budget knowledge and resources, he has produced his second action feature Charity Hurts. A very tongue-in-cheek and loving homage to action films and a wry look at the world of money hungry charities, what he lacks in budget and special effects, Thatcher makes up for in guts, determination and just good old fashioned martial arts action.

Damn charity workers. They're always popping up at inappropriate moments, bothering us on the street and making a nuisance of themselves asking for our hard earned money. But there are some charities who just won't take no for an answer and if you don't pay up, they come a collecting. Jason Jones (Thatcher), who not only has an awesome action movie name, is fed up of these pushy and violence inclined charities and decides to do something about it. It's not long before he discovers the charities are being run by mob boss John Scaglioni (John Tsoutis), which means Jason Jones has to fight off wave after wave of martial arts trained charity workers as he works his way through the city to take out Scaglioni.

Now Charity Hurts is as micro-budget as they come, most likely funded out of Thatcher's pocket but he puts his heart and soul and a lot of enthusiasm into this fun fight filled film. Over its brisk 70 minute running time, his Jason Jones stumbles from one fight to the next, each confrontation getting trickier and the choreography slicker. With an impressive martial arts background, Thatcher crams the film with fast and fluid fight scenes. The dust-ups get better and more brutal as the film goes along, Thatcher taking on an ever increasing number of opponents, often several at a time. Shot and cut for clarity the fights include a taut and tight 4 on 1 free-for-all in what appears to be some kind of abandoned parking structure/industrial estate/wasteland/action movie setting du jour. The never ending fights lead to a wicked showdown between Jones and Scaglioni, with some fancy bootwork ending the film on a particularly action packed high.

Along with all the kung fu action there is a fair bit of gun-play including a great homage to John Woo, where Jones and an over-zealous cop shoot it out with a bunch of gun toting goons in gloriously over-the-top fashion. There are just as many comedy beats as action beats peppered throughout, the cast hamming it up and embracing the fun nature of the flick. On the downside the cheap effects sometimes get in the way of enjoying the action. Thatcher is certainly trying and mostly succeeding in covering as many action types as possible (kung fu, gunplay, lots of explosions) and while some of the effects add to the humour (including the most ridiculous escape by jumping out of a window ever!) the film is at its best when focusing on the marital arts action.

A fun fight flick that sates the thirst for martial arts action and while its micro-budget stylings may not be to everyone's taste, Charity Hurts shows a lot of heart and never stops being entertaining with its high quota of kung fu combat.

www.charityhurts.wetpaint.com

Last Man Standing

2011-03-02T05:51:00.000-08:00

LAST MAN STANDING (1996)

Written and Directed by: Joseph Merhi
Starring: Jeff Wincott, Jillian McWhirter, Steve Eastin, Jonathan Fuller, Michael Greene & Jonathan Banks

PM Entertainment was one of the most prolific independent film companies of the 1990’s. Churning out a never ending supply of B-movie action and sci-fi flicks, you couldn’t walk into a video store without noticing the latest Richard Pepin and Joseph Merhi (the PM of PM Entertainment) action masterpiece. Last Man Standing (not to be confused with the Walter Hill/Bruce Willis film of the same name) was one of the company’s biggest productions, and starred the great Jeff Wincott. Featuring some outstanding car chases, the film is an entertaining though predictable flick from the PM stable.

Kurt Bellmore is a tough, upstanding cop (with extremely bad fashion sense; check out the crocodile skin cowboy boots and brightly coloured blazers) who is happily married to his wife, Annabella (McWhirter) and has the best partner on the force, Doc (Banks). This perfect set-up is blown apart when Doc is murdered, in a hostage situation, due to bad judgement by dirty cop Seagrove (Eastin). Bellmore is blamed for the killing and unfairly dismissed from the force. Suspecting foul play from his boss, Demayo (Greene), and fellow cop Seagrove, Bellmore discovers they are in cahoots with a gang of dangerous back robbers led by the homicidal Underwood (Fuller). With his wife in tow, Bellmore then sets about bringing the robbers to justice and exacting his revenge, levelling half of Los Angeles along the way.

Directed by Merhi, Last Man Standing is nothing new in terms of plot or character and despite providing a few twists and turns becomes just another standard tale of revenge. Yet it does have one novel twist: having Bellmore’s wife stick by him. She is not reduced to a damsel in distress or window dressing and even saves her husband from a couple of nasty scrapes. Though not handled in the most realistic manner (Annabella: We are married, I am staying with you, Kurt: Ok) it is refreshing not to see the female character relegated to the sidelines, especially in a tough guy orientated flick. It’s also nice to see a couple sticking together amid the never ending onslaught of gunfire and car pile-ups. Ahhhh. The early scenes of Doc and Bellmore working together are a nice counterpoint to all the action (and overacting) and show that Wincott can act. But these scenes are cut short to make way for hammy villains and tough guy talk. The movie then descends into cliché (bad sex scene included) as characters try to out tough one another in the swearing (fuck you, no fuck you) and smoking departments. Jonathan Fuller (Castle Freak) is adequately threatening as bad guy, Underwood, but almost ruins his performance by constantly referring to himself as either Snake or The Swashbuckler. Referring to himself as The Swashbuckler during the climactic car chase as if jacked up on speed is so unintentionally funny it almost ruins the whole film. He is also laboured with the worst bad guy barnet in film history; a silvery mop that is about as menacing as a small child with a lollipop.

However, we don’t come to these films (those of us who watch these films at least) for Oscar worthy acting. It’s for the action. The car chases, the shoot-outs and the fist fights. And in that sense Last Man Standing delivers. Apart from the poorly put together scene of Doc being killed, the chases and shoot-outs are thrillingly staged. A fight between Bellmore and Underwood ends with a spectacular fall from a high-rise building; the Corvette car chase features said vehicle taking flight during rush hour traffic; and the final shoot-out blazes it way through a train station. But the piece-de-resistance is the armoured car/motorcycle chase. Stunt co-ordinator, Spiro Razatos, pulls out all the stops as cars flip, explosions tear up the freeway, people jump from speeding motorcycles onto moving vehicles and our hero is dragged behind an armoured truck a la Raiders of the Lost Ark. Merhi and Pepin are renowned for big action sequences on small budgets and have created one of their best with this car chase.

Last Man Standing is an adequate action movie. If you like shoot-outs, explosions and car chases then this will be right up your street. It is also a good introduction to the films of Joseph Merhi and Richard Pepin, which I recommend to anyone interested in the action genre.

Recommended PM Entertainment films: Rage, The Sweeper, Recoil, Riot, Dark Breed, Street Crimes, Lionsrtike, Cybertracker 1 & 2, The Silencers, Steel Frontier and Zero Tolerance.

Japan Society: Hardest Men in Town

2011-03-02T03:01:00.001-08:00

Hardest Men in Town: Yakuza Chronicles of Sin, Sex & Violence

This season, Japan Society is proud to present the new Globus Film Series, Hardest Men in Town: Yakuza Chronicles of Sin, Sex & Violence. From March 9 to 19, Japan Society will be screening a series of 15 yakuza films, from 1960s productions featuring chivalrous kimono-clad, sword-wielding gangsters to today's ruthless gun-toting villains dealing in debt, dark trades and deeds. Featuring films by internationally acclaimed directors such as Takeshi Kitano, Seijin Suzuki, and Kenji Fukasaku (among many others), the series includes a large number of premieres and titles never-before shown in the U.S. Also introducing some of these screenings will be a few very special guests, including writer/director Paul Schrader, author Jake Adelstein, and director Takashi Miike.

Featured Films:
The Yakuza – Directed by Sydney Pollack
Onibi: The Fire Within – Rokuro Mochizuki
The Wolves – Hideo Gosha
The Walls of Abashiri Prison (pt. 3): Longing for Home - Teruo Ishii
Brutal Tales of Chivalry - Kiyoshi Saeki
Theater of Life: Hishakaku - Tadashi Sawashima
Blood of Revenge – Tai Kato
Cops Vs. Thugs – Kenji Fukasaku
Battles Without Honor and Humanity A.K.A. The Yakuza Papers (pt. 3): Proxy War – Kenji Fukasaku
Youth of the Beast – Seijin Suzuki
Dead or Alive – Takashi Miike
A Yakuza in Love A.K.A. Villainous Love – Rokuro Mochizuki
Ryuji - Toru Kawashima
Yakuza Wives – Hideo Gosha
Outrage: The Way of the Modern Yakuza – Takeshi Kitano

More information on the festival as well as past series and events is available at:
www.japansociety.org/hardest_men_in_town

Walker Texas Ranger: One Riot, One Ranger

2011-02-23T01:41:00.000-08:00

WALKER TEXAS RANGER: ONE RIOT, ONE RANGER (1993)

Directed by: Virgil W. Vogel
Written by: Louise McCarn
Starring: Chuck Norris, Clarence Gilyard Jr, Gailard Sartain, Marshal Teague

Good old Chuck. Not only did he fight Bruce Lee, went Missing in Action and headed up The Delta Force he was also freaking Walker: Texas Ranger. The long running 1990s action TV show saw the bearded one take his awesomeness to prime time television to dispense justice Southern style. Cheesy as all get up but action packed, Walker: Texas Ranger took everything that was amazing about Norris (his round-housing, his beard, his penchant for making everyone around him look like a wimpy dumbass) from his movies and served it up on a weekly basis. In Texas with a stetson.

One Riot, One Ranger was the very first time Norris stepped into Walker's tight jeans, a TV-movie pilot that is still surprisingly watchable. A little slicker and more punchy than the subsequent TV show, One Riot, One Ranger sets up Walker as the badass ranger he is (i.e. Norris being Norris) introduces him to his new partner (Gilyard Jr) who would remain with him throughout the TV series, his lady squeeze and various other characters who would also pop in and out of the series. In this surprisingly action packed pilot Walker goes up against a gang of bank robbers, led by the always awesome Marshall Teague (Roadhouse, US Seals 2). This all leads to a surprisingly well done and gun blazing finale where the robbers try to rob four banks at once. Woops, guess they didn't realise Walker was a Ranger in Texas and that robbing anything or committing any kind of crime in that state would end in failure and a roundhouse to the face. Which it does.

Norris gets a bit of acting in as well, where he gets a nice long monologue talking about what happened to his family, rides bulls (for some inexplicable reason), cracks wise and pretty much everyone around him thinks he is amazing and hangs on his every word. I imagine this is pretty much what it is like in Norris' real life. Also everyone, and I mean everyone, wears a stetson at some point (just so you know they are in Texas!). Well, not the bad guys, they're not allowed as they are, well, bad and wouldn't be given anything as cool as a stetson. Still, most of this film's budget must have gone on the hats.

The action is pretty good and there is a fair bit of it for a TV movie and while Walker: Texas Ranger is always open to ridicule it was often (for some reason I still can't quite fathom) oddly entertaining. One Riot, One Ranger was a pretty good start for the bearded Texan and was from a time when TV movies and their following TV shows weren't afraid to roundhouse people in the face in the name of entertainment. Take that CSI!

The Wild Pair

2011-02-16T02:11:00.001-08:00

THE WILD PAIR (1987)

Directed by: Beau Bridges
Screenplay: Joseph Gunn
Starring: Bubba Smith, Beau Bridges, Lloyd Bridges

Thank god for the 1980s mismatched buddy cop action film. They were a dime a dozen back then and even if they were naff (and quite often they were) they were always an easy watch and pretty much guaranteed a few laughs and a bit of action. The Wild Pair features perhaps the oddest and most unlikely action cop duo in Bubba "former NFL player and star of all the Police Academy films" Smith and Beau "brother of Jeff and the other acting son of Lloyd" Bridges. That's right, in 1987 these two finally teamed up for a mismatched buddy cop action flick and make for as unlikely duo as you would find.

Bridges is an FBI agent who gets teamed up with Smith's not so by-the-book cop as they go after a militant hate group led by Beau's real life father, Lloyd Bridges. They bicker, they do things differently, they have a police Captain who shouts at them a lot, they get in a car chase, they eventually become buddies and, somehow, they end up with a tank come the final action scene where things get blown up well good. Yeah, The Wild Pair is as generic as they come and the tone wildly sways from gentle comedy to violent action, it never finding the right balance between silly fun and hard edged action. Smith and Bridges are actually quite good and share chemistry. They elicit some laughs (mainly unintentional due to Smith's insistence on wearing knee high white socks in nearly every scene!!!) and while Smith was never gonna be a great actor he's actually kind of charming and fun.

There is some pretty cool action as well. The end shootout which inexplicably somehow manages to shoehorn in a tank (!) is full of Uzi blazing action, there's a decent obligatory car chase (with obligatory cars exploding for no reason) and there is even a shootout in a porno theatre (!) where Smith rips out a row of seats to use as a shield. 80s cheese at its best. The flick also has a fairly violent vibe to it which doesn't always sit well with the comedy and cheesy action, as I guess Bridges the director was trying to bring a bit of an edge to the flick.

A silly flick for sure and something seen a billion times in the action arena but a fun slice of 80s action cinema nevertheless and worth a watch if you like these kind of movies and can hunt down a copy.

Art of War 2: Betrayal

2011-02-16T02:05:00.000-08:00

ART OF WAR 2: BETRAYAL (2008)

Directed by: Josef Rusnak
Screenplay: Keith Shaw & Jason Bourque
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Athena Karkanis, Winston Rekert, Lochlyn Munro

A somewhat belated sequel to one of Snipes' minor earlier hits The Art of War, which was an underrated twisty thriller that featured some blistering action and is worthy of a watch or two. Art of War 2 sees Snipes return to the role of super agent Neil Shaw and while the film isn't as bad as you may have heard it's also far from good. The initial idea and set up is pretty cool with Shaw returning to his super agent ways to investigate the death of his old sensei, a plot to assassinate some leading senators and all kinds of double crosses, shifty movie stars (!) and ridiculous handguns that seem to fire missiles.

But it's the execution that really lets Art of War 2 down. Instead of telling a straight-forward story with some easy to follow action scenes, the filmmakers seem to be intent on making everything as incomprehensible as possible. Well, the story isn't too hard to follow despite too many twists and turns for its own good but the photography and editing all but destroys what could have been a fun action film. No editing trick, filter or transition is left out as scenes are over-edited and stylised for no reason. The film is full of what is known as "Avid farts" as the film jump cuts, slo-mos and flash fades its way through the narrative. All this editing trickery adds nothing to proceedings, dilutes a lot of tension and unfortunately ruins many of the potentially good action scenes. Snipes is certainly a capable fighter and the film features a healthy dose of action sequences but whenever they start to get good badly positioned camera angles and over-editing nonsense rear their ugly heads. There are some solid hand-to-hand confrontations but the editing often gets in the way of enjoying the fight scenes.

Despite the makers incessant need to over edit everything and use a fair share of unflattering digital photography, Art of War 2 is passable thanks to Snipes. He gives a solid performance and the acting across the board is better than a lot of direct-to-DVD action sequels. Some of the action is still ok despite the editing, Snipes getting into a lot of brutal fights and there is a cool bit where he infiltrates a high tech building by pretending to be a pest control engineer.

Watchable but overall disappointing and another example of the increasingly growing trend of over-edited and cheaply made direct-to-DVD action films. Shame.

Jin Roh: The Wolf Brigade

2011-02-14T03:15:00.000-08:00

My new review of Jin Roh: The Wolf Brigade at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

The Mechanic

2011-02-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

THE MECHANIC (2011)

Directed by: Simon West
Screenplay: Lewis John Carlino & Richard Wenk
Starring: Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Tony Goldwyn & Donald Sutherland

The original The Mechanic with Charles Bronson and Jan Michael Vincent is a solid slice of 70's cool and tough guy swagger. An almost existential look at the life of a hitman and the relationship he forms with his young apprentice, it only really kicked into action gear come the second half. Michael Winner's film was much more concerned with the bond formed between the characters of Bronson and Vincent and the precision timed and often soulless life of a hitman, than it was with action heroics. Still a great film today but certainly open to a different interpretation and a remake overhaul, which is what we have here with the modern day Jason Statham remake.

This version, courtesy of Simon (Con Air) West, is certainly more action heavy but still provides a bit of blokey posturing and surrogate fatherly bonding to go along with all the bang and boom. Staham fills Bronson's shoes convincingly as the expert hitman who takes on Foster's (filling the Vincent role) trainee killer, the son of Staham's recent hit and former employee Donald Sutherland (proving very effective in his small role). Statham, the only real modern equivalent to the action stars of the 80s and 90s, continues his run of decent action vehicles (Death Race, Crank 1 & 2, The Expendables) with this solid and thoroughly entertaining remake of the Bronson original. Statham may not do anything radically different than he has done in all his other films (though he does hint at a tired and possibly damaged psyche from all his years of killing) but has the excellent Ben Foster to bounce hard boiled swagger off this time. Foster is ace as the possibly slightly unhinged wannabe hitman, who despite smoking and drinking just a bit too much to convince us how tough and edgy he is, holds his own against Statham. The two have good chemistry forming a convincing bond (and managing to, just, stay clear of the homoerotic tendency tough guy action flicks often slip into) and it's fun watching them go about dispatching bad guys in various creative ways before the inevitable and predictable climax.

While the trailers ramped up the action quotient, the flick actually takes it time getting to all the fisticuffs and gunfire but once it does, there is a fair share of it and it pretty much doesn't stop come the second half of the flick. While West can't quite get away from all this over-editing nonsense modern action films have found themselves in, the action is for the most part well staged and easy to follow. Set-pieces include a wicked gunfight come daring escape from a high rise building, the vehicular mayhem/firefight heavy finale and Foster's brutal confrontation with a formidable hitman foe where he uses every implement he can get his hands on to take out the giant. As mentioned the editing is a little tight on occasion but overall the action is crisp and full of old school bite.

While The Mechanic is nothing revolutionary and waters down the inventive opening and shocking ending of the original (though still manages a dialogue free opening hit: just 5 minutes instead of 15 this time around), it's still a good old fashioned, hard edged action film. It doesn't harm the original in anyway, makes for an entertaining modern interpretation and it's good to see straight forward, tough guy action films are still being made and released in cinemas.

Death Before Dishonor

2011-02-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR (1987)

Directed by: Terry Leonard
Written by: John Gatliff & Lawrence Kubik
Starring: Fred Dryer, Joanna Pacula, Sasha Mitchell, Paul Winfield

Typically gung-ho, middle eastern actioner from the 80s starring TV's Hunter, Fred Dryer, as a typically gung-ho marine. He's one of those types who is right about everything, is always fighting his incompetent authority figures, all his trainee marines think he is just swell and, by God, he loves his country. Stationed out in the Middle East, he leads a security detail assigned to an American Embassy. It's not long before some distinctly shifty terrorist types steal a cache of American weapons, take some hostages and blow up the Embassy. So what's Dryer to do. Well, go after the goddamn terrorists, ignore all other orders, take two wet behind the ears rookies along with him (so one can inevitably die!) and blow some shit up, military style.

Death Before Dishonor isn't bad (if you like 80s gung-ho military action films) but is just a little too average overall. A tad too serious to be taken as silly action nonsense but still containing a fair amount of cheese to stop it being taken as a serious military thriller. Fair play to the makers as they've at least tried to make a more serious action film even it fails in these ambitions. The flick is well made and nicely shot and they try to build up a bit of character and tension before all the machine gunning action. Unfortunately the bad guys are stereotypical Middle Eastern villains just waiting to be slain by the American hero and would perhaps be more at home in a James Bond flick. Dryer is alright, as the no-nonsense Gunnery Sergeant, adds a little personality to his gung-ho character and, of course, gets plenty of cheesy one liners ("This isn't your war." "It is now."). Future Kickboxer sequel star Sasha Mitchell makes an early and enthusiastic appearance as one of Dryer's soldiers and thankfully come the second there is plenty of bombastic action.

While the film is not as action packed as one might expect, there are still some quality firefights all of which are tightly staged. The action, save for one ludicrous stunt in the final action scene, is never over-the-top and full of machine gun fire and shot gun blast with a requisite amount of explosions. The flick also features a couple of nasty torture scenes including a particularly harrowing one where a power drill is used to painful effect on someone's hand. In fact, Death Before Dishonor still packs a violent punch and while it isn't always as exciting as it should be, and often a little cheesy, it's still a mildly entertaining 80s military action film. If you like those sort of films.

Deadly Heroes

2011-02-01T01:38:00.000-08:00

DEADLY HEROES (1993)

Directed by: Menahem Golan
Written by: Damien Lee & Gregory Lee
Starring: Michael Pare, Jan Michael Vincent, Claudette Mink & Billy Drago

You have to wonder if the people involved in making a film, especially those involved in the making of Deadly Heroes, ever stop and go, "Wait, is this really a good idea? I mean, it makes no sense and is, well, completely ridiculous." Now, that might be a redundant point to make when making a cheesy action film, especially one from the early 90s and directed by Menahem Golan, as "no sense" and "ridiculous" are two key ingredients for the enjoyment of a cheesy action film. Certainly two ingredients I believe are vital for enjoying countless "silly" action films from the 80s and 90s. But damn if Deadly Heroes aint just a little too much silliness. I mean, this film despite the most basic of premises and easy to follow plots, rarely makes any logical sense, features all kinds absurdity and exploitation nonsense (mainly thanks to the wonderfully deranged Billy Drago) and a tone all over the place as it shifts from deadly serious to wisecracking to Pare (and various other characters) berating his wife for being rubbish at rescuing him. Oh, and Jan Michael Vincent is in the flick as well. Though I'm not sure he was actually aware of this when he was making it!

Deadly Heroes is basically just a trashier (if you can imagine it) remake of Menahem Golan's earlier hit The Delta Force. A bunch of crazy terrorists take a bus load of civilians hostage with toy guns that fire real bullets. No, seriously. As to why they do and how these guns actually work, I've no idea and will probably cause brain meltdown if one thinks about it too much but needless to say the opening 15 minute action scene is played out with bright orange and yellow toy guns! Holding the civilians hostage they want their leader Jose Maria Carlos (Drago) freed. Which he promptly is and they make off with Pare's wife (for some inexplicable and convoluted reason). So, Pare then has to rescue his wife but not before getting caught himself, then escaping, then going back to rescue her again, this time with Jan Michael Vincent who by this point in the film actually seems to have sobered up!

Action movie 101 that despite all its insane cheesiness, washed up actors and a director who actually thinks he is making a serious film, is actually a lot of trashy fun. Drago (who's played this role in countless similar films) is just outright weird and loopy: even by his standards. Having kidnapped Pare's wife he seems to have fallen in love with her and spends most of the time going on about how exquisite her breasts are. Which they are but seeing Drago go on and on about in weird scene after weird scene is just, well, incredibly weird. Poor Jan Michael Vincent, obviously well into his heavy drinking stage, seems lost, hides behind his sunglasses most of the running time and seems to be reading his lines off various cue cards. Then, bizarrely, he seems to be quite with it come the final raid on Drago's base, all tooled up as a Navy Seal. Though he still can't quite perform a roundhouse kick! Pare is his usual affable self, seems to be the only one not drunk or on something, though does seem to be very critical and sexist to his poor kidnapped wife. Poor Claudette Mink, who plays Pare's wife, gets the rough deal here and respect to her for enduring and surviving all she's put through. Along with Pare's constant criticisms, she endures all kinds of weirdness (most of it directed at her breasts) from Drago, much I bet wasn't scripted.

Despite the run of the mill plot and constant ridiculousness, there is still plenty of action including some pretty impressive stunts featured in the opening bus chase. The final infiltration of Drago's hideout is also pretty cool (complete with mini-subs) and I even found myself quite enjoying the film by this point. There's so much more silliness and makes-no-sense scenes in Deadly Heroes but this review is long enough already. Not really a good film but as entertaining as any film featuring Michael Pare, a drunk Jan Michael Vincent, a very weird Billy Drago, and a big action scene featuring toy guns is every likely to be.

Sons Of The Wind: Bangkok Ninjas

2011-01-31T02:18:00.000-08:00

My new review of Sons Of The Wind: Bangkok Ninjas at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Bulletproof

2011-01-24T03:13:00.001-08:00

BULLETPROOF (1988)

Directed by: Steve Carver
Written by: T.K. Landford, B.J. Goldman, Fred Olen Ray
Starring: Gary Busey, Darlanne Fluegel, Henry Silva, L.Q. Jones

So if you're a cop and you are about to bust a gang of heavily armed drug dealers in their warehouse hideout, what do you do? Well, if you're Gary Busey you treat the whole thing as if it's a big joke, scale the dangerous rafters of said warehouse for no good reason, to then be seen by the heavily armed drug dealers who say "What the fuck is this?", to which Busey replies "You're worst nightmare, butthorn", before falling off the rafter and getting shot but still somehow managing to thwart the drug dealers after a subsequent car chase that involves a heavily armed ice cream truck. Proceedings then get increasingly barmier. Welcome to the world of Bulletproof, butthorn.

So if this opening scene wasn't ridiculous enough, what with Busey single handily taking out the bad guys by doing, well, pretty much nothing other than calling them butthorn, then the rest of Bulletproof is action cinema at its most bonkers. Some kind of army down Mexico way, which seems to bizarrely consist of Middle Easterns, Russians and Latinos (basically anyone who isn't American), has kidnapped a bunch of US soldiers and their new bad ass super combat tank, the Thunderblast. Yep, Thunderblast. So was does the American army do? Send in platoons of highly trained Navy Seals and Marines? Nope. They send in Gary Busey and only Gary Busey. So, he's armed to the teeth and uses all kinds of deadly military skills to infiltrate the bad guys and rescue the hostages? Nope. He wanders on down to Mexico in tight jeans and a leather jacket and somehow (how, I'm not quite sure) manages to blow everything up, sort of rescue the hostages (most of them seem to get shot in the end shootout) and reunite with his hot, also captured, lady friend. Oh, and call a bunch people butthorn!

Yeah, action cinema is often barmy and that's usually a reason why I enjoy it so much but Bulletproof takes the biscuit for outright bonkers. Maybe it's meant as some kind of piss take of the genre as it certainly has a sense of humour but everything is played just a little too straight. Gary Busey, bless him, seems to have no idea what's going on and also somehow knows how to drive the super tank come the finale despite everyone else spending a good chunk of the film figuring out how to and it never being mentioned that Busey knows how to drive the tank. Madness. Then there are the multitude of bad guys who just keep popping up, it never clear who is the real mastermind. We get good old Henry Silva as a possibly Middle Eastern warmonger, William Smith as a crazy Russian General, Juan Fernandez as a Uzi toting henchman, some other Latino General type dude and I think Danny Trejo was in there at one point complete with short hair and a slick suit (!?). Then there is Busey's infamous catchphrase: butthorn. Pretty much everyone gets called this at some point and it's hilarious every time.

Yeah, it's crazy as hell but Bulletproof is a heap of cheesy action fun. Despite all the silliness there's plenty of bang for your buck with loads of shootouts, armoured vehicles blowing shit up left, right and centre and it's all delivered with 80s action bombast and explosive excess. In fact, the last half hour is wall-to-wall explosions and excessive gunfire. On top of this you get Busey being, well, Busey including a scene where he just happens across three enemy soldiers shooting at birds and before dispatching them utters the sure to be immortal payoff, "Bird season is over, butthorn." Priceless.

See Bulletproof now, butthorn.

One Tough Bastard

2011-01-24T03:04:00.000-08:00

ONE TOUGH BASTARD (1996)

Directed by: Kurt Wimmer
Written by: Steven Selling
Starring: Brian Bozworth, Bruce Payne, Dejuan Guy, Jeff Kobar

While the film contains its fair share of violence and revenge fueled action, One Tough Bastard doesn't quite live up to that awesome title. A title any action film should embrace and exploit to its maximum potential. One Tough Bastard certainly starts with a bang, John North's (Bozworth) family violently slain by Marcus (Kobar), a sleaze-bag working for corrupt cop Savak (Payne). North's family unfortunately happen to stumble across an arms deal that Marcus is in the middle of, on the behalf of Savak, and are thus dispatched accordingly. Predictably and following action movie standard, North goes on a one man rampage to get the killers.

Unfortunately, after the initial 20 minutes or so it never really feels like a rampage. In fact, One Tough Bastard never feels like just one film. Swaying from action, to drama, to even exploitation on occasion, One Tough Bastard is all over the place. As well as the man out for revenge plot, the film throws in a sub plot about a kid Bozworth makes friends with and has to set on the right track. No goody two shoes, cutesy kid but a foul mouthed, drug dealing, gun toting 12 year old. He's actually well played by the young Dejaun Guy but his introduction and scenes with Bozworth just drag everything down somewhat. It's certainly a noble attempt to introduce more character into a cliched action film, and their scenes are well acted, but too much time is taken up with their drama when Bozworth should be getting down to being One Tough Bastard.

Still, the bad guys are pretty cool, if completely over-the-top and looking like they walked in from some other movie. Ok, so Jeff Kobar is your typical sleazy action bad guy (and pretty good too) but Bruce Payne is all out barmy. Complete with 80s rocker hairstyle and two nose rings we are supposed to believe he is some kind of awesome FBI agent. What!? Since when could they walk around with massive hair, piercings and ridiculous suits. To be fair, Payne is actually pretty good, brings requisite menace and throws around his dialogue like he's chewing his way through a hard-boiled detective novel. They just should have given him a different appearance to be taken seriously.

What action there is, is shot and cut well but seems to always promise more and bigger set-pieces which never arrive. This being an early directorial effort from Kurt Wimmer (he of the awesome Equilibrium and the not so awesome Ultraviolet), his style is already evident despite the bland look of the film, with scenes shot and cut for taughtness and his actors all delivering performances of a better standard than usually found in a direct-to-video actioner. Even MC Hammer isn't that bad in his couple scenes as a drug kingpin. Oh yeah, MC Hammer is in this film. What the!!??

While it's not a complete disaster and even pretty good in places, One Tough Bastard is just too all over the place to be fully satisfying for action fans. It see-saws wildly between drama, over-the-top weirdness and violent exploitation (with several kids getting gunned down during the running time) meaning there were probably too many cooks involved in the making of it. And for a film called One Tough Bastard there should have been at least one scene of the hero tooling up with weapons (he is a soldier after all) and going after a never ending supply of useless goons.

Hell Comes to Frogtown

2011-01-21T02:03:00.001-08:00

HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN (1988)

Directed by: R.J. Kizer & Donald G. Jackson
Written by: Randall Frakes & Donald G. Jackson
Starring: Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, William Smith, Cec Verrell

As awesome and hilarious as the titles suggests, Hell Comes to Frogtown is a cool little cult film from the 80s featuring one time wrestler and They Live star Roddy Piper, as the only fertile man left in a post apocalyptic future. You read that right, Piper is the only man walking around with an, ahem, loaded gun, as two nuclear wars have left everybody sterile and barren. He's recruited by "the government", they slap a chastity bomb belt onto his crotch (again, you heard right and it makes sense when you see it: sort of!) and along with Sandahl Bergman and Cec Verrell, he's sent on a mission to rescue five fertile women being held hostage by evil mutated frogs in, that's right, Frogtown. There's also a pink armoured truck (yep, pink!), walking talking frogs and the whole film revolves around Roddy Piper having to impregnate loads of hot women

Ok, so maybe Frogtown isn't quite the cult classic it wishes it was but it's still pretty damn fun. It's got Roddy Piper in it busting heads and wisecracks and the dude is a fun time. He's got hot 80s women all around him and while the flick isn't as nudity packed as the premise might first suggest, it still leads to all kinds of saucy comedic shenanigans. The cast seem to be in on the whole silly premise and go with the sense of fun which is infectious. Especially if you like cheapo 80s post apocalyptic films. Plus there is the cool frog people effects. Sure they're pretty dated now and more than a little silly but for this kind of low budget film they are pretty cool. The effects were by Steve Wang who genre fans will know is the dude behind awesome flicks Guyver: Dark Hero and Drive as well as providing effects for many other films.

Seriously silly sci-fi film that really doesn't feature much action (save for the final battle where Piper roams around with two shotguns yelling "Eat lead, Froggies!") but a fun good time, thanks to Piper's charismatic sense of fun, a daft premise and some cool low-tech effects.

Edge of Honor

2011-01-17T05:28:00.000-08:00

EDGE OF HONOR (1991)

Directed by: Michael Spence
Screenplay: David O'Malley, Mark W. Rosenbaun & Michael Spence
Starring: Corey Feldman, Meredith Baxter, Scott Reeves, Ken Jenkins, Don Swayze and Christopher Neame

Awesome little action gem that pits a group of teenagers against some gun-running scumbags out in the wilderness. A sort of youthful Southern Comfort, Edge of Honor is no kids movie as the action is often brutally staged as Corey Feldman and his buddies go Rambo on the redneck bastards who are hunting them. Feldman is one of a group of boy scouts out camping in a seemingly endless forest. They stumble upon a hidden stash of weapons belonging to some nasty gunrunner types. The boys take and hide the weapons, intending to turn them over to the police which non-surprisingly upsets the gunrunners. Soon they are being hunted down and must use their resources if they intend to survive and get out of the forest alive.

Taut, straight-to-point and action packed, Edge of Honor is a neat little flick that deserves more recognition. Despite the main characters being teenagers this is no watered downed adventure flick. People die horribly (check out the bloody shootout slaying of a bunch of gunrunners that opens the film) including children and the young protagonists (who range from about 10 years old to late teens) are often put in dangerous situations as the scuzzball bad guys show no mercy in trying to slay them. This being a late 80s early 90s flick means the teenagers aren't as annoying or as vapid as the teenagers who often clog up the films of today, they are not overly styled but a little scruffy, they aren't all know it alls and most importantly, they have personality meaning we actually care if they live or die. The bad guys are just as good with Don Swayze doing his redneck thing but actually being quite menacing, Ken Jenkins (known nowadays mainly for Scrubs) is great as the greasy ring leader and even Christopher Neame proves entertaining despite looking like he as walked in from another movie complete with all black garb, facial scare, shades and a groovy knife that flicks out from his wrist.

The film makes great use of its location where the makers stage some impressive action. Punchy and bloody shootouts, some impressive explosions and a great finale where the scouts craft First Blood style booby traps make for great action entertainment. Despite being made 20 years ago, Edge of Honor is miles better than recent fighting-bad-guys-in-the-woods films such as Hunt to Kill and features some quality action scenes. It's The Goonies with bite and makes me wish I was still a kid back in the 80s/90s when films like this were all the rage. Cool.

Sword of the Valiant

2011-01-17T05:23:00.000-08:00

SWORD OF THE VALIANT (1984)

Directed by: Stephen Weeks
Screenplay: Stephen Weeks, Howard C. Pen, Philip M. Bean
Starring: Miles O'keeffe, Cyrielle Clair, Leigh Lawson, Trevor Howard & Sean Connery

Every wanted to see Sean Connery as Treebeard? Well, here's your chance with this clunky but somewhat enjoyable sword and sorcery flick from the Cannon stable. Connery has what amounts to an extended cameo as The Green Knight and since this is from the early 80s and was made on a Cannon budget, he looks like a cheapo version of Treebeard from Lord of the Rings. Complete with glitter and berries in his hair! Seriously, he must have been getting paid a truckload of money for this but does seem to be having a lot of fun as the fabled Green Knight who sets Sir Gaiwain on a quest to find himself as a knight, solve a riddle and battle all kinds of magical and non-magical foes.

Good old Miles O'Keeffe (Ator, Double Target) does his best and makes for a likable hero, despite being lumbered with the most ridiculous hair-do and all kinds of shonky sets and sub-par fight scenes. Most of the budget probably went to paying Sean Connery meaning proceedings have a distinctively shoddy feel about them. But hey, this never stopped Cannon from cramming in all kinds of low-tech special effects, wobbly fights and ample amounts of silliness into their films: which Sword of the Valiant has plenty of. The fight scenes are particularly ropey, especially an encounter with The Black Knight which sees the dueling knights often having trouble swinging a sword, standing up straight and even walking. There's all kinds of cheesy effects including invisibility rings, disappearing unicorns and Connery's not so convincing severed head which he reattaches to his body complete with trademark smirk and Scottish drawl.

But this all adds to the cheesy fun of Sword of the Valiant. The makers may have intended it to be taken more seriously (or maybe not) but the flick is fun in a kind of 80s low budget fantasy kind of way. Plus there are heaps of cameos from the likes of Peter Cushing, John Rhys-Davies and Ronald Lacey and you get to see Sean Connery dressed as a tree. Awesome! To be fair the makers seem to have had somewhat of a sense of humour with gags including a scene where Gaiwain not used to wearing armour has to pee but can't figure out how to. He is then presented with a key by his loyal squire (Leigh Lawson) for unlocking a certain area of the armour, which they both have a good chuckle about, and then continue the scene while Gaiwan urinates. Priceless.

While it hasn't dated well, provides many unintentional chuckles and wont ever knock off the likes of Willow, Sword and the Sorcerer and even Krull from their fantasy pedestals, Sword of the Valiant is still undemanding fun with enough charm to see it through, especially if you are a fan of these types of flicks. Plus, it has Sean Connery dressed as a tree in it!

Top Ten 2010 at Far East Films

2011-01-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

Far East Films, a website dedicated to all films Eastern who I contribute to, have posted my top ten (mostly Eastern) films of 2010.

Click Here to read the list.

Exit Speed

2011-01-04T05:53:00.000-08:00

EXIT SPEED (2008)

Directed by: Scott Ziehl
Written by: Michael Stokes
Starring: Julie Mond, Desmond Harrington, Lea Thompson & Fred Ward

Very cool little action movie cum siege flick that sticks to its guns delivering well paced and punchy action which is bolstered by solid direction and strong characterization. A group of everyday people are on a bus making their way across Texas on Christmas Eve. While out on the open road a band of bikers known as the Nomads torment the bus and its occupants which ends in the death of two of the bikers. The remaining bikers don't take too kindly to this and now fully attack the bus running it off the road into some abandoned buildings, forcing the passengers to barricade themselves in as the unrelenting bikers continue to attack them. The group, including an AWOL soldier, an archery expert and a wayward father among others, must band together and use their resources to fight off the deadly Nomads.

Despite a modest budget, Exit Speed is well put together delivering an almost perfect balance of character and action. While there is the typical angry member of the group who never agrees with the rest and seems only concerned about himself, the script steers away from cliche, the heroes not always the most obvious. Characters deaths are never signposted either meaning it is quite often a shock when people die and all members of the bus are imbued with personalities and vary in age meaning we actually get a group of real people to root for. Also refreshingly, there is no hammy, over-the-top bad guy slowing the action down to be all evil and stuff. The Nomads remain mostly silent and faceless a swarming, unrelenting enemy that pose much more of a threat than a constantly shouting bad guy.

The action is mounted and paced well, the makers creating a real sense that the unlucky bus passengers are fighting for their lives. Nothing too flashy in the action scenes but all delivered tautly including the initial bus being driven off the road set-piece, plenty of gunfire and shotgun blast heavy firefights and unique uses of a bow and arrow and a homemade grenade launcher. With the characters being well rounded this means the girls are is on the action as much as the boys, Julie Mond particularly memorable as the on-the-run soldier. Lea Thompson, Desmond Harrington and Alice Grezcyn give solid support with only the great Fred Ward as the officer hunting down Julie Mond's soldier, underused. Still, great to see him in the film.

It may borrow heavily from Assault on Precinct 13 but Exit Speed is a refreshingly well made, straight laced action/siege movie that is equally satisfying in the character and action departments. Check it out.

Final Score

2011-01-04T05:44:00.001-08:00

FINAL SCORE (1986)

Directed by: Azriel
Written by: Denny Armand
Starring: Chris Mitchum, Mike Abbot

You know an action film is gonna be cool when the opening titles are accompanied by machine gun fire. The opening credits to this Chris (son of Robert) Mitchum masterpiece are accompanied by automatic fire: names appear on screen, guns fire off. Awesome. In fact, awesome is a word you will frequently be using (in a somewhat ironic way, though also often because things are awesome!) especially if you are into bonkers, stunt stuffed, sleazy Philippine action films from the 1980s. Final Score has to be one of the best, not that it is actually any good, but for the sheer amount of looniness and stunt filled mayhem it provides.

It also has the most basic plot set-up possibly ever seen in action cinema. A big statement indeed as many action films work on simple plots in order to stage as many action scenes as possible. Final Score is about Chris Micthum getting vengeance on those who raped and killed his wife and shot his son dead. A set-up we've seen many a time but that really is all the set-up to be found here. No sub-plots, hardly any backstory, minimum stoppage time for other characters to be introduced, no real twists: just revenge filled action scene after revenge filled action scene. Which is precisely what you want from an 80s Philippine action film directed by some dude called Azriel (who made a load of these kinds of films) and starring Chris Micthum (who, likewise, starred in a ton of these movies).

After the basic set-up and slaying of Mitchum's family (in an unnecessarily leering and protracted scene which ups the sleaziness), Final Score gets down to action-looniness and rarely lets up. While the action scenes are never really well put together (though the gunfights are often quite blistering) Azriel (!) crams in so many barmy and dangerous looking stunts, Final Score turns into a low budget hoot. The craziness and action gets better as it goes along, highlights including the world's slowest car chase turning into a smash happy, car flipping good time; enough insane motorcycle stunts to fill several James Bond movies (including the awesome bit where Mitchum jumps from a building into a helicopter, drives through it, drops off a grenade, drives out the other side to land perfectly while the helicopter explodes: incredible!); and the fact that every building, vehicle and person that Mitchum comes into contact with explodes in almighty fashion. Seriously, this film has more explosions that all 1980s action films put together.

On top of all this awesomeness you get Chris Mitchum uttering about three lines of dialogue and "acting" with his eyes; such insane death scenes as a guy getting a hot poker up his ass (ouch!); non-acting entity Mike Abbott (another stalwart of many of these cheap jack action flicks) as mustached bad guy Mr Hawk (awesome) shooting his staff every time they fail to kill Mitchum, hilarious random bickering henchmen and much more stunt and action craziness.

Really, get some like minded cheap action movie aficionados round, a ton of booze in and play a drinking game for when anything explodes or when someone dies horribly: you'll be stone cold drunk within twenty minutes.

Final Score rocks!

Girl on Fire

2011-01-04T01:39:00.000-08:00

My new review of Girl on Fire at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Protege

2010-12-20T01:16:00.000-08:00

My new review of Protege at Far East Films

Click Here to read the review.

Jungle Heat

2010-12-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

JUNGLE HEAT (1985)

Directed by: Jobic Wong
Screenplay: Jobic Wong, Bobby Ming
Starring: Sam Jones, Christopher Doyle, Bobby Ming

Wow, just wow! That's all that can be said really. One hasn't experienced violent, nasty, barmy, insane, incoherent and often hilarious action exploitation trash until one has sat through Jungle Heat.

All the things that are wrong, disturbing, nasty, don't make sense and are outright weird about Jungle Heat:

- an incredibly strange and cruel form of torture performed on some captured soldiers involving a rat being set on fire and running round setting the tied up captives on fire why onlookers take bets to see you will last the longest.

- said rat in the scene above appears to be real (at least in the first part of the scene) meaning a real rat was actually set on fire: yep, nasty animal cruelty here folks.

- the main character(s) seem to chop and change at will meaning it's never clear who is who, which group of soldiers we are following, and the who the hell anybody is come the violent finale.

- one of said main character's mustache disappears and reappears between scenes to hilarious effect and is quite simply brilliant.

- the above mentioned rat on fire scene isn't actually the most horrific scene in the movie: that would be the scene where a captive buried in the ground up to his neck has his head shaved, then sliced opened only to have acid poured into the cut which then bizarrely melts his whole body and allows him to break free: this scene really has to be seen to be believed. See Here to believe.

- several out-of-nowhere sequences of the soldiers completely forgetting about their mission to take part in some kind of insane motorcycle stunt game to raise money (for what, I really don't know).

- an insanely gory action packed finale which features a poor guy having his stomach sawed open in graphic detail, another poor dude being subjected to some kind of water torture which grossly inflates his stomach and a rather memorable beheading which manages to be both shocking and hilarious at the same time.

- one of the main characters (at least I think he was) graphically tearing the skin from his hands in order to escape (or something).

- that after about an hour or so of complete madness, the film virtually stops for some female character to get all dramatic in a long monologue about wanting a better life (or something).

- that Sam (Flash Gordon) Jones is somehow in this film but does absolutely nothing (except for some bizarre soldier training methods involving driving jeeps nowhere - and this scene going on for ages), takes part in hardly any of the mission action and looks even more bemused than us viewers.

- that the film starts off quite innocently and boring before switching to complete weirdness and nastiness around the 30 minute mark.

- that not at any time during the film, anything makes any sense at all, ever.

All the things that are AWESOME about Jungle Heat:

- see all of the above.

Seriously, Jungle Heat is a true what-the-fuck experience and Philippine shot action exploitation at its strangest and nastiest and therefore, best. Words can't describe it. It's recommended you watch it on a Sunday morning after several nights with little sleep and after watching many similar trashy but nowhere near as gross and insane films (like I did). There is a cool bit of action towards the end but that isn't what Jungle Heat is gonna be remembered for and it also features quite possibly the best drunken and drugged up bar fights of any action film. And by that I mean they are shit, weird, make no sense and feature some drugged up dude dancing and picking fights for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Other than that it is awesome.

Wow.