Wednesday, 28 July 2010
EQUALIZER 2000 (1986)
Directed by: Cirio H. Santiago
Written by: Frederick Bailey
Starring: Richard Norton, Connie Wahl & Robert Patrick
Equalizer 2000 is essentially about one big gun. A really big gun. In fact, it’s so big (no, this isn't a porno!), it's basically three guns in one. Everybody wants to get their hands on it as for some reason it gives the holder ultimate power over everyone else who only have puny guns. So what happens is, everyone (bad and good guys) spend 85 minutes shooting their guns at one another in one long succession of shootouts that barely stops for any dialogue. In fact, I'm trying to remember if anyone actually spoke in this movie. There is practically no story save for different tribes (all with machine guns) fighting each other in a post apocalyptic land where tough guy and silent hero (and I mean silent, as he says all of 3 words in the entire picture) Richard Norton builds this bad ass super-weapon (presumably the Equalizer 2000 of the title) starts blowing everybody away with it, loses it to some other guy who starts blowing away people with it, who then loses it to some other guy who starts blow...you get the picture. Seriously this cheap but admittedly cheerful Philippine shot actioner from the Roger Corman/Cirio Santiago stable is just one long gun fight. Not that that is a bad thing but some may find the repetitive nature of the action tiresome
But if you like your low budget action movies of the distinctly low budget variety and set in one of those cheap, knock off Mad Max settings then Equalizer 2000 is a hoot. I personally enjoyed the action, decently staged (most of the time) for this kind of film with emphasis (and most of the budget) on gunplay, firepower and explosions. Norton gets to fight a bit, bed the rather voluptuous Connie Wahl, shoot loads of bad guys who look like Nazi rejects and tussle with a thoroughly despicable Robert 'T2' Patrick (making his screen debut here). The film has a kind of low tech, post apocalyptic charm to it as these kind of movies were only (and could only be) made in the 80s. They represent a bygone time in (B-movie) cinema when all you needed was a bunch of extras, some cool looking vehicles, an abandoned quarry to film in and a reasonable budget to cover pyrotechnic and ammunition costs.
Disposable and really rather ridiculous it may be but Equalizer 2000 is a load of shoot'em up fun with a funky post apocalyptic charm and wall-to-wall action. Plus, it you are tired of films with endless reams of exposition, complex dialogue and depth of character then Equalizer 2000 is for you.